Post by dmtimney on Feb 18, 2009 3:23:15 GMT -5
Please come in.
Have a seat.
It won’t take but
A moment of our time
To alter the rotational
Cycle of your universe.
We here at Human
Resources under the facade
Of employee advocacy have
Strived to record every
Abhorrent miniscule flaw in
Your thirty-some-odd
Years of service for just
This auspicious occasion.
Coincidently, this infraction
Could not have occurred
At a more opportune time
As a quiet initial downsizing
Has been mandated by a team
Of corporate strategists
Willing to sacrifice you
And a few thousand other
Sorry sots in a covert attempt
To preserve their fat ass
Paychecks while the last few
Stitches are hand sewn into their
Golden parachutes thus protecting
Them from the free fall
You are currently experiencing.
Now, under the guise
Of your sudden perceived
Incompetence may we suggest
That you seek other opportunities
In a job market that prefers part
Timers at minimum wage as to avoid
The frivolous expense of benefits.
So that, should some physical
Manifestation of the additional
Forfeiture of your company paid
Retirement benefits for termination
With cause coupled with this undue
Financial burden affect your
Overall good health you can always
Opt to mortgage the home you’ve
Worked your nuts off to pay in
Full during your tenure with our
Family oriented organization.
Whether the perceived
Gravity of this offense is based
In reality or not is irrelevant
As we have maintained
The documentation required
To side step an appropriate
Payout of unemployment
Compensation since we feel
That your lapse in dedication
evidenced by your willful
Tardiness during the recent
Blizzard directly effected
Productivity thus impacting
The bottom line profit margin
Of the corporation as a whole
Is sufficient to fuck you over.
Nothing personal of course…
We wish you all the best.
It’s just business.
Have a seat.
It won’t take but
A moment of our time
To alter the rotational
Cycle of your universe.
We here at Human
Resources under the facade
Of employee advocacy have
Strived to record every
Abhorrent miniscule flaw in
Your thirty-some-odd
Years of service for just
This auspicious occasion.
Coincidently, this infraction
Could not have occurred
At a more opportune time
As a quiet initial downsizing
Has been mandated by a team
Of corporate strategists
Willing to sacrifice you
And a few thousand other
Sorry sots in a covert attempt
To preserve their fat ass
Paychecks while the last few
Stitches are hand sewn into their
Golden parachutes thus protecting
Them from the free fall
You are currently experiencing.
Now, under the guise
Of your sudden perceived
Incompetence may we suggest
That you seek other opportunities
In a job market that prefers part
Timers at minimum wage as to avoid
The frivolous expense of benefits.
So that, should some physical
Manifestation of the additional
Forfeiture of your company paid
Retirement benefits for termination
With cause coupled with this undue
Financial burden affect your
Overall good health you can always
Opt to mortgage the home you’ve
Worked your nuts off to pay in
Full during your tenure with our
Family oriented organization.
Whether the perceived
Gravity of this offense is based
In reality or not is irrelevant
As we have maintained
The documentation required
To side step an appropriate
Payout of unemployment
Compensation since we feel
That your lapse in dedication
evidenced by your willful
Tardiness during the recent
Blizzard directly effected
Productivity thus impacting
The bottom line profit margin
Of the corporation as a whole
Is sufficient to fuck you over.
Nothing personal of course…
We wish you all the best.
It’s just business.
