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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Feb 25, 2009 23:16:16 GMT -5
We could smell her coming- a ripe bundle of watercress tucked in her apron pocket. She was as beautiful as a low-country swamp, dark and thick. She cooked perfect collards, a sliver of fatback to season. Dash of Tabasco. A simmered bowl of Africa, spooned to innocent children.
Tuesdays she made 'Hoppin' John.' The crunch of field peas poppin' made us burst into laughter. We begged to have our beds moved to the kitchen so we could hear the ancient chants of her homeland poured like native honey into the night.
Lizzie was as sweet and sassy as Geechee Gumbo. She fed us everything we ever knew.
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Post by mfwilkie on Feb 26, 2009 8:30:02 GMT -5
Lizzie was dark and thick. As beautiful as swamp root.
or You could always smell Lizzie coming
You might use: When Lzzie was dark and thick to open one stanza and When Lizzie was light and thin to open the next
Some great imagery here.
Maggie
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Post by LynnDoiron on Feb 26, 2009 14:48:38 GMT -5
Tina! I think this wonderful. Very nice. Very very. [And I signed on just so's I could tell you so!] lynn
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Feb 26, 2009 15:10:11 GMT -5
OH I like this version much better, Tina. Good job with this revision. This is really good.
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Mar 4, 2009 22:52:14 GMT -5
Thanks Mags, Lynn, JL, AND Leo ...stilll working on this. How is it now, do you think>?
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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 10, 2009 1:49:48 GMT -5
Tina, What about tighening up the last two verses a bit.
Nice revision.
Maggie
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storyweaver
EP 250 Posts Plus
"What is genius?but the power of expressing a new individuality?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Posts: 465
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Post by storyweaver on Mar 12, 2009 23:56:35 GMT -5
I think this reads beautifully! Very nicely crafted, great images! I wouldn't change a thing!
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