Crossing Moon River

[dmtimney]

This is not a haiku
a tanka
senryu
an economical choice
of words
this is an
intervention
with a nervous
stutter, the circumvention
of introspective thought
this is me
laying it down
my way
a means
an end
this is for

you
who, for lack of all
tells do not make this
an easy intuition
a tug
the urge to
stop
come about
a calling out
that we are all
of what we need
to be, as is
the board is set
it is simple
it is not
I am stalling
I know

or don't
to what end
I ask this
question
but, if you
are inclined to
tilt your head
in my direction
accept this lean
warm the coffee
the car, recall
the conversations
we've begun
then I'm your
Huckleberry

I want to know you
in real time

there, I said it

[alfredo]

Lovely, stunningly simple- and unencumbered (it must be right from the heart).
I inclined my head your way .Today

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I found this precariously near the bottom of the page with only nineteen reads and found its rhythmic tumbling of language interesting and vibrant.
It takes on an almost rant like tone at times, yet appeals to my senses. It ebbs and flows and ends in a most human fashion, and I love the "Tombstone" reference. Just good stuff for my ears, Donna. Ron

[Marion Poirier]

Donna, I think that punctuation would help this poem.
You have only two comma's in the entire poem and it
is a run on - so not clear in many places what your
intent is - also I'd like to see it slowed down a bit;
it's like a roller coaster ride, though that may be
your intention, I think clarity is important to readers.

You lose me somewhere in S2; an interesting
poem though have no idea what the theme is.
I really like S1 but think the rest rambles too much.
and does not complement or explain S1.

Marion

[Ken_Nye]

Donna, in the past year I've read just a few of your poems, but they are all great. There is an authenticiity to the tumbling of words in your poems, a wonderfully real use of phrases we hear all the time. I like thie way you strucure this, saying at the beginning that you are going to lay it on the line iin no fancy terms or poetic forms, and then you go all over the place except the llne, and then iour "laying it on the line statemeent, "I want to get to know youi in real time" is a vague laying it on the line and then you finish up in relief with," There, I said it. " Terrific. Marion says above that you lost her in the midddle, but I sensed that we were supposed to get lost I also diagree with Marion (Marion and I disagree all the time) that punctuation would help. I don't think you want to help us understand you. This is truly a stuttering circimvention. That's the charm of this"direct statement." (I think.) Love it.

Ken