No More

[alfredo]

No more

From time to time
I step outside this world
to seek some words
to wash away misery
to calm a thousand
selfish storms
to focus on the and lonely
and the lost

or with my pen
hold above
a prism of love
lost, now forgotten,
just so it will shine once more

perhaps with words that blow
gently the embers
of forgotten dreams
or lift a little, fogs that
snuff out liberty;
raise the flags of the fallen
to once more, catch the wind

using
words
that shout
"no more!"

[Marion Poirier]

Nice work Alfredo. A few suggestions to tighten.

Marion

No More (was The Craft)

From time to time
I step outside this world
to seeking some words
to wash away misery,
to calm a thousand
selfish storms
toand focus on the and lonelyweary
and the lost
I'd use another noun for lonely as this expression is cliche-
having been over-used.
or with my pen
hold above
a prism of lost love
now forgotten (you use forgotten below)
just so it will to shine once more

perhaps with words that blow
gently the embers
of forgotten dreams
or and lift a little,
fogs that snuff out liberty;
raise the flags of the fallen
to once more, catch the wind

using
words
that shout
"no more!"

[alfredo]

Hi Marion I really like your suggestions and sorry; correction of my careless penmanship). Will incorporate changes tomorrow. Thanks so much for taking time.

[storyweaver]

I agree with Marion's suggestions they polish the poem well. Good thought process here.

[mfwilkie]

'fredo, finally back with some thoughts on this.

I edited out what I thought was holding it back.
My V, so toss what doesn't work for you.

Maggie


From time to time
I step outside this world
and seek new words
to wash away misery,
to calm a thousand
selfish storms—re-direct
my focus to the lonely,
to the lost

to find again a prism of love,
almost forgotten

and fan lost dreams
with gentle embers,

lift fogs that snuff out liberty
and raise again the flags
of the fallen so they
catch a present wind