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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 7, 2009 4:59:56 GMT -5
You want a sonnet. Let me punch one out of yesterday's trash, today's black and white papered-bullshit. There isn't any doubt you'd prefer a wood nymph of myth. The sight of flesh and bone, of flesh and pain, in four- teen lines? Not for you. Let's begin anon: What's the wood nymph's name? Anyone? The hour? The poisons we have fed the earth have won. In a forest of two remaining trees... the earthworms were the first to go. Damn roaches thrive. I can't keep them off of me. No breeze. We've lost the sea and my last good rhyme falters.
Ah! They are coming for my ink. To get higher. And I? I plan to stab myself to sleep.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Mar 13, 2009 23:39:11 GMT -5
Maggie, this is a great rant. I'd like to see a couple of stanza breaks here. One needs a pause to think on your words IMO.
I like this poem - it is very strong and creative; however, I don't think you need the last stanza, though it is powerful. Well done!
M
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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 14, 2009 2:20:20 GMT -5
I wrote this sonnet because Leo mentioned in a review not enough was being written about today's important issues, M.
I think the last stanza works in relation to the title.
The line below is out of kilter for me, not what it says but its position in the poem.
The poisons we have fed the earth have won.
Glad you like it and I'm mulling it over.
Maggie
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Post by Marion Poirier on Mar 14, 2009 11:42:29 GMT -5
I see what you mean, Maggie. The last two lines fit the title and are needed to complete the sonnet. You refer to the last rhyme faltering just before - very clever.
Again. I think the quatrains should be separated by breaks. Sonnets are written both ways. I think the line you mention as out of place is fine- could be better at the end but would mess up the rhymes.
Marion
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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 14, 2009 23:19:53 GMT -5
Thanks for the looking at it again, M.
Maggie
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