In Retrospect

[mfwilkie]

My days and nights were tossed. Lost?
The meaning of time. The need to wear
a watch. My life had shrunk from the world
to six lines on a page as time grew smaller
still, caught in rhythms of wordy things, their
endless combinations, their selfless seductions,
the need to face a cordoned off spring.

So I shelved the artificial progression of life,
shook loose any fractional anguish at its loss
and heaved myself into the serious silliness
of wayward phrases and left the final period
deep inside the pen then slept well knowing
at least Rilke would be pleased I'd chosen me
to hang with.

[dmtimney]

See....Two Shores

Mucho Hugs,
~D

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I like this on the whole, Maggie. I was bumped by the last line in S1, lost in trying to relate it to the rest of the verse.

In S2, perhaps you might omit the second "and" of "and left," instead using the dreaded gerund, "leaving." (With a comma after "then") Reads smoother to me that way.