creation floats

[alfredo]

A touch heavier than air,
a slow spinning winged seed
leaves behind its soothing vortex,
settles among the damp and waits
for the days’ warmth that always comes.

The succulent holly leaf shines;
its parabolic curves
culminate in sharpness
and below an unfurling fern--
precise, geometric, involute

I sense within
a double helix formulate
my every cell
as a patterned snow flake--
exclusive, matchless, inimitable

His brush pinks the warm orange
that lies among distant greys,
and on the other side balanced,
a rising silver moon

A perfect accident, or
ingenious intent?


Original
a touch
heavier than air
a slow spinning
winged seed,
leaves behind
its soothing vortex,
and settles among the damp
waiting the days’ warmth
that always comes

shines
the succulent holly leaf
its parabolic curves
and culminating sharpness
and below
an unfurling fern
precise, geometric, involute

I sense within
a unique bewitching
double helix
formulating my every cell
as a patterned snow flake
exclusive, matchless
inimitable

His brush pinks
the warm orange
that lies- just for you
among the distant
grey and blue
and on the other side
balanced, a rising
silver moon

Ingenious intent?
Or just
a perfect
accident.

[mfwilkie]

'fredo,

A lovely opening stanza, but take advantage of the power of a complete thought on a line; it creates images that are solid and clear for the reader.

A touch heavier than air,
a slow spinning winged seed
leaves behind its soothing vortex,
settles among the damp and waits
for the days’ warmth that always comes.

The succulent holly leaf shines;
its parabolic curves *
and culminating sharpness
and below
an unfurling fern
precise, geometric, involute**

From * to ** needs to be clearer.

I sense within ***
A Unique to me,
a double helix formulates ing
my every cell; bewitching
as a patterned snow flake
exclusive, matchless, inimitable

Some thoughts on this stanza to consider:

His brush pinks the warm orange
that lies among distant greys,
the day's fading blue; then he
doubles his gift to you with a
rising silver moon.

A perfect accident, or
ingenious intent?
Or just

Lots of nice stuff going on in this draft.

Maggie

[alfredo]

Thanks so much Maggie I really like what you have suggested here….it’s taken on a stronger form and more depth.

[mfwilkie]

"fredo, A coupe more thoughts.

A touch heavier than air,
a slow spinning winged seed
leaves behind its soothing vortex,
settles among the damp and waits
for the days’ warmth that always comes.

The succulent holly leaf shines;
its parabolic curves
and culminate in sharpness
and[ /s]below an unfurling fern—
precise, geometric, involute

I sense within
a double helix formulating
my every cell; bewitching
as a patterned snow flake—
exclusive, matchless, inimitable

His brush pinks the warm orange *
that lies among distant greys,
and on the other side, balance
in a rising silver moon

A perfect accident, or
ingenious intent?


* Love how you used 'pinks'.

Maggie

[alfredo]

Maggie Hopin' I interpreted your help correctly and resurrect-ly