Opportunity Missed

[mfwilkie]

have some music going on in my head, Gary,

Back later tonight. Maggie

[mfwilkie]

Gary,

I've been thinking and thinking about these lyrics.

They seem a bit backwards to me, like they're not saying it directly.

So I've been trying to straigten the story out in my head,
to find the chorus.

I come up with things like:

I spent the morning hung over and didn't make it to my wedding
but Jack Daniels isn't to blame.

There was no superman in my shoes,
just a guy who liked his booze

and missed his opportunities

I think you need to be plainer and more concrete in you images
before you work on the chorus.

Maggie

[GD Martin]

Thank you, Maggie.

soundclick.com/share?songid=7965984

Opportunity Missed

© 2009 GD Martin

Verse:
‘Was Autumn back then,
I knew from how she smiled,
I'd have to ask her for a dance,
With her face just like a child.
I thought I knew it all,
'cept how to hold my booze;
In retrospect, 0l' Superman
Was stumbling in my shoes.

Chorus:
Opportunity missed
Is the echo in my head,
Don't blame it on good whiskey
If you can't get out of bed.
In my memory
She's walkin' 'cross my floor;
Opportunity missed was one more kiss,
And a friend who is no more.

Verse 2:
Two years grew past,
And we were feeling all we could be;
Then the war took me away,
And far across the sea.
She promised she would wait,
And then she'd be my bride;
I never made it to the church
Had Jack Daniels at my side.

Repeat Chorus.

Bridge:
I tried to get back to the past,
where future path-ways leave;
but, for now, "opportunity missed"
is all that I can see.

Repeat Chorus.

[mfwilkie]

"Opportunity's" the echo in my head,
"Don't blame it on good bad whiskey
if you can't get out of bed."
Like a feather blowin' across my floor,
the "opportunity* missed" was one more kiss
from and* a friend who's nevermore.

* Opportunity stressed,
and
the 'and' stressed, Gary.

Maggie

[GD Martin]

Thank you, Maggie. Your suggestions are good, and I've applied some of them; in the spirit of humor, however, I must tell you that I just can't bring myself to the point of calling Jack Daniels "bad" whiskey (I have too many friends in low places). _GD

[Angel Clementine]

Maggie, your example to GD for shortening the chorus was both fine and significant. "Less wordy" is preferable in a lyric for practical reasons for the singer and the listener, both. Sometimes, editing a lyric makes a lyric sound less poetic, which is the high wire, I believe, that keeps many poets away. Being practical is a different art form. _Angel

[mfwilkie]

Gary, Angel,

Thanks for the feedback on my suggestions.

What I hear is opening lines that talk plainly about what he's lost
and then some rousing music to support a chorus of:

but I can't blame it on bad whiskey,
I have to face it all myself

or

but I can't blame it on bad whiskey;
all the blame goes squarely on myself* My fav!!!

or

but I can't blame it on bad whiskey
all the blame falls squarely on myself** My new fav!!!!!

Maggie