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Planes
May 8, 2009 19:50:01 GMT -5
Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on May 8, 2009 19:50:01 GMT -5
A seagull futilely flaps its wings
against the indomitable wind,
conjuring an image of Csonka stood
up at the goal line by the
Steel Curtain.
Without a thought, the bird
ascends air currents and continues
its journey...as Griese gently lofts an
aerial to Mercury in the end zone.
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Planes
May 9, 2009 13:02:30 GMT -5
Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on May 9, 2009 13:02:30 GMT -5
Brother Jon, I am just not feeling this poem. But you do get my vote for the strangest metaphor of all time. If this is tongue and cheek then it's not clear enough. If not, then back to the sublime. Which are always enjoyable.
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Ken_Nye
EP 500 Posts Plus
EP Word Master and Published Member
Posts: 646
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Planes
May 9, 2009 13:17:51 GMT -5
Post by Ken_Nye on May 9, 2009 13:17:51 GMT -5
Jon, Leo and I are two peas from very different pods, but I have to agree with him on this one. The mix of metaphors doesl not penetrate my brain. In other words, I can't figure this out. But, as ,Leo says , maybe I'm not supposed to.
Ken
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Planes
May 9, 2009 13:28:24 GMT -5
Post by Marion Poirier on May 9, 2009 13:28:24 GMT -5
Jon, I don't have a clue. Perhaps you could revise this into a haiku and forget S2.  I think you are saying too much - can't go wrong with as few words as possible. M P.S. I really like the first two lines without the modifiers, a seagull flaps its wings
against the wind
. . . . . .Now we just need line 3. Have to look up Czonka - but you could go with a different concept and save Czonka for another poem. |
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Planes
May 9, 2009 14:02:26 GMT -5
Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on May 9, 2009 14:02:26 GMT -5
BTW, Larry Czonka is my kind of running back. Him and Earl Campbell.
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Ron Buck (halfshell)
EP Gold 750 Posts Plus
EP Word Master and Published Member
-------- ecce signum --------- ------ behold the proof ------
Posts: 988
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Planes
May 9, 2009 17:47:03 GMT -5
Post by Ron Buck (halfshell) on May 9, 2009 17:47:03 GMT -5
sometimes the sublime is lost on mere mortals, but really, isn't it like bread and butter... who would not remember Mercury Morris running right for four yards, and Csonka up the middle for two, and that thirteen yard floater from Griese... come on people! look up every once and a while! ...and I don't even like Miami!
hey jon... I got it... loved it... and btw just one typo and on little grammatical "it"... Is Csonka with a "z"?
tidings
ron
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Planes
May 25, 2009 8:58:03 GMT -5
Post by ramadevi on May 25, 2009 8:58:03 GMT -5
Namaste my friend. Too long since i stopped here - what has happened to your musings? ? LOL This is unusual and very strange, though i only half get it. I think it is worthwhile for those in the know of that sport. But as for me, I miss the sublime voice I've come to know and love. Will look for more posts from you....to get my fix! Love, rd |
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