Rippling shadows

[alfredo]

One of the most evocative and emotive expressions
of cut crystal, the chandelier is steeped in history
and heritage redolent of the 18th century splendour
and candle light intrigue..

The “other half” look down
from appartment towers
upon a city of catatonic vagrants
Staring vacant Caucasians,
Polynesian cast offs,
deep lined Solomon islanders.
And offering the unoriginal,
diamond eyed Aboriginals,
dark demeanours;
alcohol caressed;
distressed, displaced,
dispossessed

Redolent of the contempory, inner city suburbs of
Brisbane, Gallery Vie is located in the pulsing heart
of the Goldcoast’s newest suburb. Centrally located,
this modern urban mix comprises a unique creative
enclave ...

Bedding down in dark parks,
crashing, dribbling, unwashed,
stinking in the Brisbane heat.
Spent urine in shadowy shop ways.
Dark corners awash
from beery bladders released
the night before.

Designed by Whirlpool of Europe by Italian double-act
Deep Design, the pulse washing machine turns doing
the laundry from an arduous task into an intriguing
interaction with a sensuous work of art..
And a complementary,
snake back river twists through
slithering, sliding, oily green.

A city of low vests and dancing breasts
Ladies in short tiger-skin skirts
or torn off jeans skirting scanty pants.
Architectural legacies as casinos
and concrete bunkers for everlasting art

And the other-half hoping
the many bridges will throw
rippling shadows over
them all.

[MichaelFirewalker]

interesting piece, alfredo----like the way you set off the rich from the poor----a few thoughts...please ignore them if you choose?

The “other half” look down
from appartment towers
upon a city of catatonic vagrants
Staring vacant Caucasians,
Polynesian cast offs,
Deep deeply lined Solomon islanders.
And offering the unoriginal,
diamond eyed diamond-eyed Aboriginals,
dark demeanours demeanored;
alcohol caressed;
distressed, displaced,
dispossessed

Bedding down in dark parks,
crashing, dribbling, unwashed,
stinking in the Brisbane heat.
Spent urine in shadowy shadowed shop ways.
Dark corners awash
from beery bladders released relieved of beer
the night before.

And a complementary,
snake back river twists through
slithering, sliding, oily green.
A city of low vests and dancing breasts
Ladies in short tiger-skin skirts
or torn off jeans skirting scanty pants.
Architectural legacies as of casinos
and concrete bunkers for left as everlasting art

michael

[alfredo]

I just got home to find a wonderful gift M .....someone who picks up my blues (typos etc) .. I am both ashamed and grateful, for you sweeping up after me! Stand by once more ....

[mfwilkie]

A couple of questions, 'fredo:

Why the commentary with the poem? Is it yours, or something from another source? if it is another source, you need to identify it somewhere on the page.

I'm not finding anything of the commentry in the stanzas that follow each. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on its consturction and/or inspiration?

appartment/apartment

Thanks,

Maggie

[mfwilkie]

A look at the poem, "fredo,

Are the vagrants, Caucasians, etc. really catatonic, vacant-eyed or just perceived that way from high above?



The “other half” look down
from appartment towers
upon a city of catatonic vagrants
Staring vacant Caucasians,
Polynesian cast offs,
deep lined Solomon islanders.



And if the 'other half' are looking down, how is it they can offer dark demeanors; who would see their faces?

Take a look at the punctuation in this second stanza and the compound words:


And offering the unoriginal,
diamond-eyed Aboriginals,
dark demeanours;(,)
alcohol-caressed;
(the) distressed, displaced,

B bedding down in dark parks,
crashing, dribbling, unwashed,
stinking in the Brisbane heat.
Spent urine in shadowy shop ways.
Dark corners awash
from beery bladders released

Could you explain a 'snake back river'?

And a complementary,
snake back river twists through
slithering, sliding, oily green.
A city of low vests and dancing breasts
Ladies in short tiger-skin skirts
or torn off jeans skirting scanty pants.
Architectural legacies as casinos
and concrete bunkers for everlasting art


This seems an unfinished thought, 'fredo.

Architectural legacies as casinos
and concrete bunkers for everlasting art

I like your use of alliteration, but I think the piece needs a bit more attention in how it's constructed.

Maggie

maggie

[alfredo]

Just got in an' saw your comments

Are the vagrants, Caucasians, etc. really catatonic, vacant-eyed? Ans: yes!

Sorry, "appartment" = last minute change that caught me out ..as they often do.

re: "snake back = Bita' artistic license here as in the snake/slimy (words like things they represent?) but map also helps understand the expression. I do use onomatopoeia/alliteration./homophones quite a lot in my scriblin'

re: structure etc e.g. contrasting italicized sections: all copies of adverts from a single publication on a single day.

Respond to your questions regarding "ending" soon. e.g. when I've got to the end of this..then that will be the beginning of the end.