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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Feb 12, 2008 14:21:03 GMT -5
The colors of a troubled nation fly above the stadiums and buildings, high enough to lord resplendence overhead as symbols for the living (and the dead).
The Stars and Stripes; Old Glory—names abound for that long-lauded flag which, touched to ground, is called a ruined rag, and set aflame to purge the soiling filth of earthen shame.
But something stains it more than dirt or mud: a travesty of leaders, wreaking blood from goggle-eyed recruits who, once deployed, engage the rage, and vanish in the void
of Middle Eastern anger—ancient, black— that goes, free-flowing, in the arid crack of blood-encrusted lips that open wide to swallow souls of all the young who died.
Salute the starred and striped depiction of a bright collage of patriotic love, but as you tear up, think of Y2K and of the night we died—Election Day.
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Post by mfwilkie on Feb 12, 2008 15:53:39 GMT -5
D,
Many nice lines that flow in the manner we've talked about.
Some spots you might look at:
dulling/troubled lord its power/Is power what we really see when we look at the flag? is called/becomes , and set aflame/ ; it's set aflame goggle-eyed recruits engage the rage/engaged in(with) war? and vanish/will vanish
Possible allternatives to void/destroyed/schizoid
in the yawning crack of blood-encrusted lips that open wide to swallow souls of all the young who died.
and of the night we/faith/hope? died
Glad we had the chance to talk about this one.
Can't wait to hear your first revision, muh cara.
Red
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Feb 12, 2008 16:56:04 GMT -5
What an interesting poem, David!----it is intensely subjective, as is understandable for this subject----this must be a revised version of the poem, because I see that mags references your description of the flag as lording power, and now it says resplendance----that made me think----in her review, Mags asked a good question, "lord its power/Is power what we really see when we look at the flag?"----when I look at the flag, I do not think of it as lording power over anyone, anyplace----but, as we all know, many, many people on this planet DO see the flag of the United States of America as a symbol of tyranny and despotism----so I guess the full answer to that perceptive question depends on who is looking at the flag...
In view of that, I greatly enjoyed what is, in my view, your astutely accurate summation of the etiology of the power/greed-based political disease currently afflicting this country, which has resulted in such gross tarnish being applied to our loyal flag...
thank you for writing this----I attempt no critique, but wish only to salute this poem and its poet...
the tribes of the middle east have been murdering each other for more than ten thousand years----how could we ever have thought we could waltz over there into the middle of their hell with a few guns and a lot of self-righteousness, and experience anything but what we have experienced to date, which is deadly defeat?
michael
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