Conversations with the Dying

[mfwilkie]

I

he says, live

I reply
breathing is automatic

he says, love

i confess
to storing seven heavens
of bliss and see no need ahead
to seek and turn a stranger
when there'll be a stranger
within myself who'll need
some holding. i'll read more.

he smiles in that way of his
and talk goes on without a word

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

fourth read... and I've become accustomed to this face. I would not stretch it fit mine own, and thus find it a song of itself. Nicely done...

tidings
ron

[Marion Poirier]

A very intriguing poem, Maggie. I could read it a hundred
times and wonder if I understand what you are saying.
Perhaps if there were a hint of the connection with the
dying, but it is clear that it is someone very close to the
narrator, and probably needs not be spelled out.

My only suggestion would be to place the conversations
in italics. It was puzzling at first because of the I at
the beginning being separated from the rest - though
I realize, you like to make us think - a little and sometimes
a lot.
How about

I live.

he says.

I reply,
breathing is automatic.

He says,
Love . . .

or is there only one word to his response. Makes it
ambiguous IMO, although the narrator says, talk goes
on without a word. I have no aversion to ellipses, though
I know that it's controversal. Just thinking out loud here.

Facinating piece!

Marion

[ramadevi]

And talk goes on without a word - Love that ending!

This is indeed fascinating and intriguing.
the only line that I stumble on is "i'll read more"- read what?

I like Marion's suggestions regarding italics.

Excellent poem!

Love, rd

[mfwilkie]

M, Will use the italics when I submit. You've understood the poem but I'll give it more thought as to its general clarity.
Thanks for the look-see.

rama, I'll read more was a bit of inside humor that will probably be expanded in revision.

So glad you both enjoyed it.

Maggie