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Post by mfwilkie on Jun 28, 2009 21:08:15 GMT -5
A yellow jacket's nest. Knocked down. Destroyed.
Though not without an element of pain
for damaging what's earth's where I'm employed
by consciousness. The deaths were need. Not gain.
Ivy and holly wrap around a tree
no one appreciates beyond the shade
it brings to summer. Working leaves. That's all
it is. It has a beauty, though. It's science.
A bumble bee traversed some flower heads
and found some elements of food to mine.
I thought of his predicament. Of Ours.
It's a fragility we share. This life.
Would you believe this black wasp's iffy threats?
There must be something Irish stalking me.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Jun 29, 2009 19:33:14 GMT -5
Maggie, the title is provocative, but not necessarily
related to the poem IMHO.
In S1 the yellow jackets needed to be destroyed.-
but with regret - I understand that.
In S2, I assume is in reference to pine trees. In their
defense they survive the four seasons and have a lovely
scent - one of my favorite trees.
Perhaps we are not so different from the bumble bee
in our survival instincts.
You seem to be going in another direction in last stanza.
A creative poem - off beat - only suggestion would be
a title change. Another food for thought poem
that is characteristic of your poetry.
M
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Post by mfwilkie on Jun 29, 2009 22:06:48 GMT -5
Not a pine tree, M, just a regular tree.
M, all these things happened over a few hours on a recent afternoon,
the nest, the bumble bee and wasp.
The sonnet is in meter and the first quatrain's rhymed.The rest aren't because that's the way the poem came.
Thus, the title.
Don't cringe, but it stays.
Thanks for the read.
Maggie
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Post by Marion Poirier on Jun 29, 2009 22:37:17 GMT -5
Maggie, I get it now but forgot about new trend
of unrhymed sonnets - though
IM0, they should be in the free verse genre.
M
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Jun 30, 2009 12:07:47 GMT -5
Mags..I really love this sonnet and am intrigued by the 'trend' of some non-rhyming lines. My only prob here is that yellow jackets always build their nests in the ground..so this must have been another species of bee if you had to 'knock down' their nest? Perhaps hornets or wasps>
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Jun 30, 2009 12:14:43 GMT -5
Google says that 'Occasionally, yellow jackets will build nests inside of walls of houses or sheds. But you still would not knock a nest down. It would have to be treated with a special spray or with a liquid bee killer and this must be done at night when the hive is dormant. Anyhow...you have poetic license to do whatever you want...lol. IT's a terrific poem.
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Post by mfwilkie on Jul 2, 2009 4:39:44 GMT -5
Tina, It was a small nest attached to a bolt on a door under a porch overhang.
There was no activity near the opening and it came down without a problem.
Check Wikipedia; it has some good info on them.
We had a wall full of them in Milwaukee and early that same summer
they built a nest in the tail pipe of a friend's mother's car. She had
open heart surgery and hadn 't driven the car for several weeks.
Maggie
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Jul 2, 2009 8:05:28 GMT -5
Mags,,I just checked Wikipedia and it says that yellow jackets nest in holes in the ground. I have two nests in my yard right now and it is very difficult to get rid of them because they are only dormant at night and you have to located the ground hole and fill it with Clorox. The only other place that yellow jackets nest, according to both Wiki and Google, is inside of a wall. The yellow jacket nests are huge..can be the size of a car! The drill down up to 5 feet below the surface and then spread out to protect the queen. This is no doubt WAY more info. than anyone needs to know, but they are a constant problem to us here in the South as nearly everybody has a nest in their yard. The nest you describe sounds like a wasp nest...they are closely related to the yellow jacket, but the yg is a very small yellow and black striped bee, smaller that a jelly bean but shaped similarly.
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jul 2, 2009 14:34:44 GMT -5
Actually, Mags, I think Tina's right here. It very well may have been a wasp's nest on that door.
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Post by ramadevi on Jul 16, 2009 5:32:59 GMT -5
Clever and well written. Superb enjambment, giving a natural flow and smooth cadence. Lots' of fine phrases and thoughtful musings.
Favorite line-
It's a fragility we share.
Loved this too-
Though not without an element of pain
for damaging what's earth's where I'm employed
by consciousness. The deaths were need. Not gain.
Found the closing couplet a bit enigmatic- but that is not a bad thing.
Would you believe this black wasp's iffy threats?
There must be something Irish stalking me.
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