Oh So Sweet, Sweet Corn

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

Forget the apple

when Eve was tempted in the garden
at the Tree
it wasn't a tree at all

it was a corn stalk

and Satan handed her
corn on the cob

drenched and dripping in
warm golden butter
salted twice
with a touch of pepper

'sink your teeth
into the crisp plump kernels
feel the buttery juice
spray across your face
let the salty-sweet
fresh corn taste
dance along your tongue
then flow to the back of your palate

pop!
those delectable nuggets
one by one between your incisors

young
tender
moist
succulent

then slurp the juices
from around your lips and mouth
running your tongue in circles
to catch every drop'

and from that very first bite
man knew good and evil

intimate carnal delights
flooding minds

imparted by the salty-sweet brine
of hot roasted corn

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Michael, This is a cool poem. Surprising and sarcastic in the same order. I like the simple, almost wondrous, way you narrate the story. I would drop the first line...forget the Apple...it is assumed...we all know Eve was metaphorically tempted by an Apple.

[mfwilkie]

Michael, Terrific draft. Thinking on a bit of tightening. Will be back.

Maggie

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

definitely has wings. can it be tightened up... mebbe... it's one of those where if you delve into it might become better... or might not... since you are the player... it's your game. The transitions all line up but you could play with it more. I quess I like it well enough to want to muddle it up... and that just aint right.

tidings
ron

[mfwilkie]

A bit of trim, Michael. Maggie

Forget the apple;

when Eve was tempted in the garden,
at the Tree,
it wasn't a tree at all;

it was a corn stalk

and Satan handed her
corn on the cob

drenched in warm golden butter,
salted twice
with a touch of pepper .

'sink your teeth
into the crisp plump kernels
feel the buttery juice
spray across your face
let the salty-sweet
fresh corn taste
dance along your tongue
then flow to the back of your palate

pop!
those delectable nuggets
one by one between your incisors

young
tender
moist
succulent

then slurp the juices
from around your lips and mouth
running your tongue in circles
to catch every drop'

and from that very first bite
man knew good and evil

[ramadevi]

UH OH! This makes me hungry for hot buttered corn- LOL

Brilliant write---certainly has wings. I do not think tightening is mandatory, nor do I think it a bad idea. Either way, this is superb.

I am not yet fully convinced, but i think Leo has a good point about the apple being obvious when you mention Eve. Maybe I'd agree to remove that first line---

Either way--Bravo and kudos.