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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Oct 4, 2009 11:06:01 GMT -5
Aftermath
We strolled through rain and cold on planks that spanned a field of sea oats waving to the beach, where, in the threadbare light, we mined the strand for all the shells and memories we could carry, a plastic bucket and our thoughts for each to help retrieve what sand or time would bury.
The shells we craved were scarce; an autumn storm the night before had washed up jellyfish, daggers of driftwood larger than the norm, and the harsh truth that what is left behind is often the detritus of a wish that dies when nothing good is left to find.
David Nelson Bradsher
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Oct 4, 2009 16:06:43 GMT -5
The message is well-received, David! and ever so true. I'm getting used to the meter, just dumb me, I guess..what is it? At first, I thought iambic pentameter, but no. I need to go back to poetry school, I guess. Anyway, I LIKE IT very much, except for 'threadbare light'. Although it's innovative, it feels like a real stretch to me. Great work, as always. Tina
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Post by mfwilkie on Oct 5, 2009 1:34:11 GMT -5
I think it's IP with trochee openings in the third line of each stanza isn't, D?
Nice!
Maggie
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Oct 5, 2009 9:51:14 GMT -5
Hi Tina. Maggie is, indeed, correct that it's IP but for three substitutions, the first and second being first foot subs in line 3 of each stanza, and then another in the 4th line of the 2nd stanza.
I've learned the art of metrical substitions, a definite departure from the days of strict adherence to form. It takes it out of metronomic flow and gives it some physicality. Thanks, my friend. ;D
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Post by wavemaker9 (Rick D.) on Oct 7, 2009 0:42:30 GMT -5
I remember the school was out aftermath but that was a period so long ago. David, your power is finding a solid ground. I tried to think of another word for threadbare because I agree with Tina but I coudn't because I don't completely understand its meaning as used. Perhaps "sublime light" ?
Rick
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Oct 7, 2009 6:56:53 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. Threadbare meant "thin" in this case.
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Post by ramadevi on Oct 8, 2009 6:04:04 GMT -5
Hi David.
Enjoyed your 'metrical substitutions" and now am eager to try some too!
I think threadbare works just fine. Seemed like 'THIN' to me on first read.
Nice work, of course!
Warmly, rd
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