Drops

[alfredo]

Wet lines through the sky
falling perfectly vertical
The drizzled colours mix
a flowery perfume.
And here and there
on luminous greens,
sit tumescent drops,
- silver edged
- standing off.
(His hand above with love)



Roma Street Parklands, Brisbane.
Tuesday 12 February 2008

[MichaelFirewalker]

love the wet lines through the sky, and the drizzled colors and tumescent drops----only thing that doesn't grab me is that last parenthetical line----perhaps unnecessary?

michael

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Alfredo.....if I may...

Wet lines through the sky
falling perfectly vertical(.) (I like the assonance.)
The drizzled colours mix
a flowery perfume(
and here and there
on luminous greens,
sit tumescent drops
-silver edged
-standing off.
(His hand above with love.)

Take or leave anything.
I do like the rhythm of the rain here....

[alfredo]

I've incorporated all u suggest but also..
wat do u think?

Baptismal Drops

Wet lines through the sky
perfectly vertical.
The drizzled colours mix
a flowery perfume;
and here and there
on luminous greens,
sit tumescent drops
-silver edged
-standing off.


Below filtered light
lies the grotto
where water slips
- over little cliffs,
to plunge and reappear;
An’ bubbled boats
- rise n’ pop
refreshing what’s below.
Tears overflow
from fallen cheeks,
- an’ dampen
- folded hands
- beneath


(His hand above-unfathomable love)