February 13th (edit 1)

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

February 13th

Caught between St. Valentine
and Mr. Lincoln, I drive north
on the New York State Thruway
which today bisects a frozen forest-

yesterday, trees enclosed
in winter's dark womb;
now giant white
chrysalides-

I see them months hence,
clothed in green.

Original
February 13th

Caught between St. Valentine
and Mr. Lincoln, I drive north
on the New York State Thruway
which today bisects a frozen forest.

Hours ago, trees enclosed
in winter's dark womb
are now giant white
chrysalides-

months hence,
imagos
clothed in green.

**comments on clarity please, and explanations appreciated.

[MichaelFirewalker]

awaiting Mother's rebirth----how cool is "giant white chrysalides"!----and methinks your imagining creatively and spiritually assists Earth in her gargantuan task of birthing spring...

like the simplicity/brevity of the piece----gives the images lots of punch...

only one question----who or what is doing the imagining in S3?

michael

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I like this very much, Jon, very much. Only "imagines" trips me. I read this as an imperative and want {imagine}. Am I missing a clue? Probably. Ron

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Thanks Michael and Ron. I substituted "imagos" (synonymous with "imagines"), for the reader's ease. Appreciate your reads.

[mfwilkie]

imagos is a good substitution, jon, although I like the Latin plural, imagoes, rather than the scientifically-accepted shortening.

With punc., I think 'imagines' is the better choice.

It's clearly what's going on in the poet's mind,and what will be going on 'months hence'.

If it were mine I wouldn't change it. It's a clever use of the word and works.

months hence,
imagines—
clothed in green.

Mags

[LynnDoiron]

Caught between St. Valentine
and Mr. Lincoln, I drive north
on the New York State Thruway
which today bisects a frozen forest. [love this opening stanza] [might use em dash tho]

Hours ago, trees enclosed [for me, Hours ago obfuscates the beauty of what comes-- i'd biff]
in winter's dark womb [i'd biff dark]
are now giant white [i'd biff are now, and put a comma after womb]
chrysalides-

months hence,
imagos [this, or imagines, both throw me -- who, what imagos or imagines?]*
clothed in green.

jon, because in L2 you use "I drive" why not use "I" here in the end? something simple and beautiful as the rest of the piece has been -- "I see them, months hence, clothed in green" or "Already, I see them, months hence, clothed etc."

Fine read, regardless. lynn

[mfwilkie]

"I see them, months hence, clothed in green"

That works, too, Lynn.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Thanks for your suggestions Maggie and Lynn. I'm still toying with keeping "imago" or letting it fly.......away