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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Nov 18, 2009 10:47:54 GMT -5
The way a poet misses his best friend
The two of us,
like chill in northern air
fast and cold, not knowing
if it is Montana or Wisconsin
that announces the frozen Arctic breeze.
There are things much harder to figure
than a frozen zephyr or a bitter gale⎯
for between the gentle and the fierce,
the loved and the intolerable,
lies the shadow of this poem⎯
broken tree branch on the snow
death mocked in an outline
of sticks and leafs.
Even now I wonder,
where is your voice?
This Fall soon surrenders to Winter
and the silence mocks me.
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Nov 18, 2009 11:06:07 GMT -5
Tender and powerful.
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Nov 18, 2009 11:58:55 GMT -5
Leo, this may be one of the finer pieces you have written. It has a magnificent flow about. Truly a lovely work of art.
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Post by Marion Poirier on Nov 18, 2009 14:17:23 GMT -5
This is a poignant work expressed in a beautiful way,
Leo. Don't like to nitpick on something so personal;
however would prefer to see it without being centered.
It would appear to be more natural with long and
shorter lines and appropriate line breaks.
Also, seasons are not capped.
I'm not sure you need the last two lines.
IMO these lines would make a stronger ending:
Even now I wonder,
where is your voice?
Or
Perhaps use the last line as written
without the seasons. Yes, I think
reinforcing the silence is effective.
I am sorry for your loss.
Marion
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Post by mfwilkie on Nov 20, 2009 5:06:00 GMT -5
Leo, What if you worked with this?
Beneath the gentle and the fierce,
the loved and the intolerable,
lies the shadow of this poem:
death mocked in an outline
of sticks and leafs.
Even now I wonder where your voice is
and the silence mocks me.
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Post by ramadevi on Dec 5, 2009 5:24:55 GMT -5
Wow, Leo---one of my favorite of yours. Tender and touching, yet intense. Not an easy combination to achieve adn you have done so with graceful finesse.
And this brings me to the heart of your poem, describing itself:
for between the gentle and the fierce,
the loved and the intolerable,
lies the shadow of this poem⎯
Very good, stark image:
broken tree branch on the snow
death mocked in an outline
of sticks and leafs.
Strong closing line too.
Kudos.
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