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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Nov 18, 2009 12:00:01 GMT -5
O, sonnet song, you’re sweet poetic wine,
I thirst for you, no other verse compares.
Romantic beauty weaves, like slender vine,
around and upward on angelic stairs
that rise into the heavenly abode
where harps enthrall all lovers who ascend.
O, rapture me on this celestial road.
Beloved notes please help me to transcend
where bards from yesteryear sing in my ear
their tales of love, love lost, their tales of death;
where even in their sorrow I can hear
the music flowing from their final breath.
O, sonnet, may I drink from your wellspring
to walk the realm where ancient bards still sing?
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Post by Marion Poirier on Nov 18, 2009 14:21:57 GMT -5
Hi JL,
This is a very well crafted sonnet; I admire
your accomplishment in this form.
Beautifully written, music to my ears.
Marion
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Nov 19, 2009 22:08:38 GMT -5
Jo, this is very sweet...........handsomely done!
Even though the word "poet" has two syllables, do you think you might substitute it for the second "bard"? I think it might work, kind of complementing the use of "poetic wine" in L1. Just a thought.
Great job!
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Post by mfwilkie on Nov 20, 2009 3:54:43 GMT -5
Ah, a sonnet for the sonnet!
I'll give this a good look tomorrow.
Did you catch the wav, mi amiga?
later,
Mags
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Post by ramadevi on Dec 5, 2009 5:10:41 GMT -5
Hello dear sister!
I enjoyed reading this a second time as deliciously as the first.
Delightful phrasing and internal rhyming too.
Flawless sonnet form.
I might suggest a semicolon instead of comma in line one, but cannot decide.
You have obviously drunk from the sonnet wellspring to compose this one!
Favorite part:
O, rapture me on this celestial road.
Beloved notes please help me to transcend
where bards from yesteryear sing in my ear
their tales of love, love lost, their tales of death;
where even in their sorrow I can hear
the music flowing from their final breath.
Smiles,
rd
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antman
EP Gold 750 Posts Plus
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Posts: 958
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Post by antman on Dec 18, 2009 16:18:45 GMT -5
Jo,
I love this sonnet and its smooth flow from line to line.
Your last line in your couplet is kind of repetitive or similar to
L9 you might want to rework that line.
Like Jon, I too find the second use of bard uncomfortable.
May I suggest something like this;
and walk the realm where muse with lyric wing?
I'm here laughing at myself for I am not a fan of
the infamous gerund! Yet I'm trying to help you
finish your beautiful sonnet by using one.
Nonetheless, it's well thought out and
I did enjoy its magical essence.
peace and love,
anthony
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Post by mfwilkie on Dec 19, 2009 14:53:39 GMT -5
Some thoughts, JL.
O, sonnet song—you’re art's sweet poetic wine—
I thirst for you it; no other verse compares.
Romantic beauty weaves, like a/its rhythmic slender vine,
around and upward on angelic stairs
that rise into the heavenly abode
where harps enthrall all lovers who ascend.
O, rapture me on this celestial road.
Beloved notes please help me to transcend
Much loved iambs, please help my heart/mind transcend
where bards from yesteryear sing in my ear
their tales of love, love lost, their tales of death;
where even in their sorrow I can hear
the music flowing from their final breath.
O, Sweet sonnet, may I drink from your wellspring
to walk reach the realm ancient bards still where ancient verses sing?
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Post by ramadevi on Dec 20, 2009 4:54:33 GMT -5
My thoughts on Mag's thoughts--
*NICE!--
O, sonnet song—art's sweet poetic wine—
I thirst for it; no other verse compares.
*Maybe
Beloved notes please help me to transcend
Beloved notes please help (my heart) transcend
Superb--
O, Sweet sonnet, may I drink from your wellspring
to reach the realm where ancient verses sing?
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