My Crown in Seven Sins Adorned

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

I.

Lust

Within my care your love becomes a pearl
Great price be paid to hold you in my arms
And feel the heat set free as clothes unfurl
While time and place are captured by your charms

My soul be sold in bond to devil spawn
For payment due the life I chose to lead
In moments ‘twixt the eventide and dawn
That pierce within and prick my heart to bleed

Sweet drops upon your tongue in crimson tint
We share the taste of lust pressed lip to lip
And join in revelry ‘til passion’s spent
Then part, in secret ways from darkness slip

Yet, though the bright new sun on high so shines
My thoughts are slave to live the night again
I see each move while curve and limb entwines
On tablet etched as proof of mortal sin.

Regrets denied no matter what the cost
As long as love be free ere time is lost


II.

Gluttony

As long as love be free ere time is lost
I eat my fill of your sweet offerings
As birds before the first hard winter frost
Who while in fields of wheat do gorge then sing

What care have I of fears from future cold
When freely is my want fulfilled in deed?
Your charms and soft delights shall ne’er grow old
And always will they satisfy my need.

While hotly burns my passion deep inside
Insatiable becomes my full desire
An appetite for glut I cannot hide
Despite the dreams my heart will set on fire

My body yearns to suckle at your breast
As nourishment to sate my carnal drive
Yet, cursed I am, denied eternal rest
And forced to lay in sin to stay alive

My lot, so sweet a plight I must endure
I would with all my might reject the cure


III.

Greed

I would with all my might reject the cure
And hastily reach out my hand for more
Ignore the pleas cried out by righteous pure
Against the dragon and the sinning whore

My fill, my want, demand their equal share
While in the heat I must possess your soul
Without regard to will or spoken care
And in my lust consume your body whole

I brave to look with love into your eyes
Beneath the hurt and quell the salty brine
Without apology I claim my prize
And take with zest what rightfully is mine

One night is not enough to sow and reap
My avarice compels me all the while
A week, a month, a year within my keep
Your heart be lead astray and soul beguiled


I doubt my yen for more will ever cease
My will forfeits all chance to win release

IV.

Wrath

My will forfeits all chance to win release
And so condemns us both to life without
The means to find a path to joy and peace
While giving rise to fear beyond a doubt

Our love be doomed to constant agony
A truth held fast in realms of utter pain
Though I proclaim a code of chivalry
Anger within my soul cannot restrain

When faced with proof your heart has gone astray
Figment or truth- I cannot make the choice
Convinced of your desire to now betray
I hear the lies contained within your voice


Great fear of loss hides deep within the turn
What wisdom held within the golden rule?
The choice between my life as pure cistern
Or drown in dregs of black and poisoned pool

My fear gives way to sin and searing wrath
My feet set firm upon destruction’s path.

V.

Sloth

My feet set firm upon destruction’s path
I have no wish to turn from evil ways
Nor do I want to pause and do the math
To count the time I’ve lost in wasted days

Each experience I could ne’er resist
My lifetime sinking deeper into vice
My spirit dies in cold and dark abyss
Yet, rising dies again to pay the price

Though damned I am to live without true love
What consequence could change my mind to right?
No hope there is to seek from God above
As now my soul is kept by endless night.

The time I spent within your arms a dream
And spurned it turned into a stark nightmare
All things are ne'er exactly what they seem
And I by choice refuse to give a care

So then what need have I for mercy kind
If in your heart contempt is all I find?


VI.

Envy

If in your heart contempt is all I find
I pray my soul be damned to deepest hell
There sear my eyes wide shut ‘til I am blind
And slice my tongue so I may never tell

The things of which my mind would be resigned
I envy you the will to turn your back
Upon our love once cherished by design
Now just a memory that fades to black

I envy you the way you can move on
To find another love to share your life
So soon, I’ve yet to realize you’re gone
Care you not for my agony and strife?


Be gone and let me die with dignity
Before I choke upon my very speech
‘Tis naught that I should gain to set you free
Except the welcome grave for which I reach

In striving so your love I feign to hate
I covet time and hope it’s not too late.


VII.

Pride

I covet time and hope it’s not too late
Though truth be known I think it not my fault
At least we share the burden of our fate
My crime I failed to honor and exalt

But pride is oft a master of deceit
And keeps a man from showing all he feels
Mistakes of youth are prone to see repeat
While circumstance my doom does daily seal

I curse my pride and all that it has wrought
Each time I tried to ask forgiveness sake
The words within my mouth release they sought
But arrogance sincerity did slake

I must believe my life I still control
And can affect the outcome of my course
By will or strength of mind our love made whole
Or spend my days alone with cold remorse

By death to self-a blossom will unfurl
Within your care my love becomes a pearl

[antman]

I applaud your effort and work on this Michael, coursing
through the seven deadly sins, is like one standing in the
confessional line at church.
One thought came to mind in S2/L3 of "Envy"
to replace the word (once ) with the word (thought).
It doesn't affect the meter and strengthens L4.

Some of the stanzas' in "Pride" need tightening
for clarity. Like S2/L4 left me a little confused
as did S3/L3.
I suggest, S4/L2 to change the word (my) to (its),
and soften S4/L3 to lead the reader towards the coda
with; "By the ardent passion our love made whole"

This is quite a remarkable bit of writing and I enjoyed
the way each theme was handled.

peace in,
anthony

[Marion Poirier]

Michael, this looks like a Shakespearean
sonnet in seven parts. I've heard of crown
sonnets; however, don't know what they
entail. An Elizabethan sonnet has fourteen lines
three quatrains and a couplet in abab rhyme etc.
and usually iambic pentameter. Each of these
have an extra quatrain with a total of eighteen
lines, so I am confused.

Michael, this is indeed an ambitious undertaking
and I applaud you. I have
not gone past the first one yet,
as this is like reviewing seven poems.
IMO, they should be posted separately,
if for no other reason, to receive
the careful read and attention they deserve.

Lust: in S1, line 4, I'd shorten the line
as it appears longer than the other three lines.
I know that while could be considered 1 syllable,
but I pronounce it as two in my Yankee dialect;
wondering if you could use a shorter word and
stay within the iambic pentameter meter.

In S2, the first line seems kinda cliche but I
realize in Shakespearean sonnets you will find
what many may consider cliches,
while in contemporary poetry
you can hardly write without
using what are considered cliches.

In S3, line 4 in IMHO could use some slight
rewording, sounds a bit awkward the way it is phrased.

If I had to eliminate one quatrain to fit the pattern of
a Shakespearean sonnet it would be quatrain #4,
as some of it reads awkwardly to me like line 1, and
the rest does not add much to what has been
written, a bit repetitious.
IMO the last line could be stronger in the couplet.

I'll be back later to comment on the rest;
first I'd like to know why the extra quatrain.

Excellent work and only a few minor changes
needed, nothing extensive. Very romantic sonnet.

Marion

[ramadevi]

Hi Jarls.
THough I've already reviewed this, it's nice to see you post this here as well (i am about to post mine too!)

You have some excellent suggestions here.

Nothing to add except another bravo!

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Hats off to you for this expansive, creative crown, Jarls. I read them all cursorily and have come back to the first two to interject some grammatical thoughts.....take or leave.........

I. S2--"that pierce within and prick cause my heart to bleed."
(heart has already been pierced.......even though pierce and prick lend alliteration, my own feeling is that it is just a touch too much.)

I. S4--"I see each move as curve and limb entwine (plural subject)

Perhaps L1 might read: "Yet, though the bright new sun on high will shine" keeping the exact rhyme.'

II. S4- "...forced to lay lie in sin....


Again....large undertaking well done..........Hope you're well, and happy new year.

[mfwilkie]

Marion, It's done in heroic sonnets of 18 lines.

Back after I read it again, Jarls.

But before I go and play with the Iliad, I wanted to ask why the old language?

Maggie