Circle’s Edge (edit)

[antman]

It was the only song she knew
sung with sad eyes, minus zero.
Her plan unclear at twenty two
no need for a superhero.

Her sojourn draped in foggy mist
down the ebon road, so alone.
One verse laments its rolling twist
with aching Celtic undertone.

It was the only song she knew
by bitsy bits of memory.
The way eventide gathers blue
making a dark night, look starry.

In her mind a flute solo pines,
last measure before the refrain.
Two souls, nine months did intertwine
what became his loss was her gain.

[mfwilkie]

Ant,

One question: is this meant to be in true meter or were you going for just the rhyme?

Maggie

[antman]

Both, but I see a problem with the last line.

anthony

[ramadevi]

Ah, so poignant and sad/happy.

The tone and tenor fo the theme is echoed in the prhasing.

Exquisite--

sung with sad eyes, minus zero.

One verse laments its rolling twist
with aching Celtic undertone.

Not sure about your comma placement below:
The way eventide gathers blue
making a dark night, look starry.

this would make more sense to me-
The way eventide gathers blue,
making a dark night look starry.

Good twist in the ending lines. However, I am bugged by the phrasing slightly, (DID does not work well) and the meter drifts in last line too. Also recommend a semicolon-

Two souls, nine months did intertwine(
what became his loss was her gain.

Suggestion-
Two souls, nine months had intertwined;
what became his loss was her sweet gain.

Warm hugs,
rama devi