First Draft

[mfwilkie]

Breach of Manners

In particular: the rhododendrun and some, some, some lines, D.

Mega mucho.


The view is gothic everywhere I look;
thrilled woods drip fog-cloaked ice! Not even smoke
has room to breathe out there. Inside a house
unfit for ravens, branches of some crystal
rhododendrons, bent low with hurt, have tried
to split a mind from calm, upend the rational
of weekend travel to the beach with eerie
taps, dulling raps to make the flesh grow weak.
But I, snow bunny birthed one north-November
some, some, some years ago, will make the trip,
despite the weather's lack of southern hos-
pitality. To quote a night-schooled friend

regarding wet and ebb, "She travels eastward.
Evermore."

[GD Martin]

Maggie,
On the surface, and my first read-through, the poem is so thoroughly interesting, with no dead air space at all. Your, "Not even smoke has room to breathe out there." is so perfect! Your reference about "ravens" and the "evermore" ending were cleverly etched out to create that Poe-like feel. If any constructive comments ever come to my narrow-thinking-styled poetic mind, I will certainly revisit here.

v/r,

GD

[mfwilkie]

Glad you liked it, Gary.

The second verse needs a bit of untwisting, I think, but overall, I like the piece, too.

Who would have thought there would be snow on the ground in NC in the morning.

Hope all is well.

Maggie