Alchemy's Distraction

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

Alchemy's Distraction
.

We don't use it anymore, but it had a good run:
Herodotus, The Inquisition, and Isaac Newton subscribed;

Mysticism's fired air and Pragmatika's undulating waters
sought alliance; a cohabitation that survived until Darwin
crossed the Welcome Mat.
                                                    He put One and One together
and Three evolved; Three moved out but One and One
have been toe-to-toe ever since.

It's a shame really, because somewhere between air
and water, always before the horizon meets, you will
find land to greet them both.
                                                        But when you kick back,
stretch a bit, and think about it: the thoughts melt
in your mouth like butter.

[mfwilkie]

I really enjoyed this, Ron.

A couple of thoughts on punc..

The 'stretch a bit' bothers me. For me it makes that line seem wordy,
unlike the rest of the poem.

Mags


We don't use it anymore, but it had a good run—
Herodotus, The Inquisition, and Isaac Newton subscribed(.)

Mysticism's fired air and Pragmatika's undulating waters
sought alliance(,) a cohabitation that survived until Darwin
crossed the Welcome Mat.
He put One and One together
and Three evolved; Three moved out but One and One
have been toe-to-toe ever since.

It's a shame really, because somewhere between air
and water, always before the horizon meets, you will
find land to greet them both.
But hen you kick back
and think about it: the thoughts melt
in your mouth like butter.

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

Mags... thanks for the much-needed help with the punc. Will mull it around... looks like a winner!

tidings
ron

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Very clever and interesting poem but the simile at the end is cliche and misses the intent of your own poem. Don't you think that melts into your mouth like alkali into gold is more in line with a poem about alchemy?

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

Leo:

thank you for your thoughts... I disagree ... the kicker or cliche is the grand part of the poem and alchemy had many portents of which one indeed was the transformation of one base element into another... but the focal point draws more on the relationship between two factions and what out of provocation evolved... and what still remained to turn over and over, as if the blinds were drawn and time stopped. the kicker is a time in a bottle snicker at alchemy, clinical observation, and the lack of humor or snubbing that goes on when a cliche is used in poetry. So from my point of view the cliche ties it all together because the altercation between the two factions created another bend in the road, one that neither could take and thus they were cliche bound for the ages. The poem celebrates and savors this little joke.

of course... I wrote it, so I am partial to its wag.

tidings
ron

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Okay if that's the case then I would use a juxtaposition saying like words melt in your mouth not like alkali into gold but butter otherwise I think there is a contextual void...the alchemy references seem obscure to the average reader.