Chance of a Lifetime

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

You have to be aware-so aware
your heart is born anew in your eyes,
to see spring awakening as you arise
this morning and drive through the
promenade of purple-pink,
providing a cathedral for your
blissful moments of communion;

Communion with the Source
that gently steals your breath
and replaces it with grace.

The beauty is there for you
as you taste the wafer of wonder
and drink the blood of
last night's rain...
a eucharistic feast for the famine
of your barren soul.

Come with me and dance joyfully;
for winter is nigh and you will
soon be cloaked in darkness

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

This is an interesting poem. I think the first stanza and last three fight against each other. They seem congruent philosophically but the tone is really different and it slows the poem for me. Try dropping the first stanza (save it for another poem as it has nice images) and reading the poem with the 2nd stanza as the lead. The poem reads perfectly and is more consistent in language and intent IMO. Nice title, clever.

[mfwilkie]

Jon, I'm finding this full of tell. Mags

[Marion Poirier]

Lovely poem, Jon. I suggest
some trimming and more
subtlety.
Please ignore if anything conflicts
with your intent.
Regards,
Marion

Spring awakes; rise this morning.
Drive through the promenade
of purple-pink, a cathedral
for your moments of communion.

Taste the wafer of wonder
and drink the blood of
last night's rain...
a Eucharistic feast for the famine
of your barren soul.

Then, come with me
and dance joyfully;
winter is nigh and you will
soon be cloaked with color's absence.