Commerce of Circumstance

[sanctus]

I wonder where the light escapes
when seasons shade the glow
from scenes that shatter frozen lakes
and melt the fallen snow;

but never in a morning’s grasp
can I define the way
whereby the breadth of life can pass,
subsume and drift away.

There’s power in a waterfall,
redemption in its touch;
cold mercury to heat enthralled
can’t measure quite as much

as seconds in a mountain stream
or moments in embrace
of treasures found within a dream
or dreams within a face.

The order is uncertain now,
a singularity,
a sequence bounded by the how
of what we came to be

and where we were supposed to go,
the lines that we once drew;
I’d trade what we have come to know
for what we thought we knew.

[mfwilkie]

Daniel,

Nice, these:

scenes that shatter frozen lakes and melt the fallen snow;

life can pass, subsume and drift away.

But I had this up for a while and kept coming back to this line as a solid opening as opposed to your conclusion:

I’d trade what we have come to know
for what we thought we knew.

I had trouble finding connections from top to bottom, my thinking is that
it's trying too hard.

Give that new start some thought.

Maggie















I wonder where the light escapes
when seasons shade the glow
from
but never in a morning’s grasp
can I define the way
whereby the breadth of life can pass,
subsume and drift away.

There’s power in a waterfall,
redemption in its touch;
cold mercury to heat enthralled
can’t measure quite as much

as seconds in a mountain stream
or moments in embrace
of treasures found within a dream
or dreams within a face.

The order is uncertain now,
a singularity,
a sequence bounded by the how
of what we came to be

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Don't really like form poetry except this one which is dynamic.

Great use of irony and image:


There’s power in a waterfall,
redemption in its touch;
cold mercury to heat enthralled
can’t measure quite as much

[sanctus]

Thanks for the comments. To form or not to form...is formless a form? I enjoy order and chaos in equal doses...a continuum of harmonious opposition.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Impeccable rhyme and meter, the former adding to, rather than subtracting from the piece. i.e. it is not overpowering. The word "subsume" caused me to pause......my ignorance perhaps, but a bit high compared to the rest. I believe it needs an object. Need several more reads, Daniel......but this is quite a powerful poem........

[Marion Poirier]

Hi Daniel, I am glad to see you posting on
EP again.

I like rhymed poems as well as free verse;
you are very skilled at rhyme, particularly
sonnets. I almost thought this was a sonnet
until I realized there were three extra stanza's
and the couplet missing at the end.

IMO. you could pare it down and eliminate
S4 and S5 and reshape last stanza into
a couplet. I feel there is too much explanation.

I love the first three stanzas, though don't care
too much for 'subsume.' I too, stopped there,
although I believe it is used correctly.

All in all, wonderful read. Enjoyed very much.

Regards,
Marion