Just Another Day -----Please read it...

[Jay Gandhi (engineering poet!)]

Just another day

Sun rises from the mighty sea
I eat some cereal to fuel me
A shower and a rub to start my day
Peace is something which I pray

At three, stomach juices the lunch
I need to rush to avoid the crunch
I hit the keys on my keyboard
Laziness is what I can’t afford

Sun dives into the mighty sea
I unwind with my lemon tea
Mind wanders as the feet trudge along
I march to the place I belong

[Marion Poirier]

Jay, IMO, you are trying too hard for the rhyme,
and they seem forced.
I suggest rewriting this in free verse to say what
you mean to say in a natural way without straining
for the rhyme.

Marion

[alfredo]

The ryming does seem a little forced- sorry