please help me finish this

[purplejacket]

suffering some major block lately- mostly not finding time, and a thousand other excuses, but I had this idea, and now I need some kind of justification or a reason to keep this poem. I don't want to lose it, I think I could say something here, maybe, I hope...

here I mourn this tiny form
skeleton: Neanderthal child
sunken holes in ashen bone
her teeth so large and wild

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

There are seeds here; I'll try to return with water. Ron

[MichaelFirewalker]

"here I mourn this tiny form
skeleton: Neanderthal child
sunken holes in ashen bone
her teeth so large and wild"

don't see how teeth can be wild----they can be large, but how wild?----teeth are just teeth----perhaps try

"her teeth large, and unworn"


michael

[mfwilkie]

I imagine looking at her teeth they would appear wild having no tissue around them and probably shifting in loosened sockets.

What if you moved these verses around, pj?

sunken holes in ashen bone—
I mourn this skeletal form,
this tiny Neanderthal child
with teeth gone large and wild

I like your use of rhyme.

Maggie

[mfwilkie]

N.B.

I don't think you need to add to this at all. It's quite an image.

Forgot to tell ya, that.

Maggie