haiku

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

silent doves
sun halts in western sky
as summer's last rose blooms

Thank you Marion

[Marion Poirier]

Jon, the most popular school on American haiku, the HSA,
uses the fragment method that is: one line remains a fragment
and there are two connecting lines by a conjunction or preposition.
Usually parts of the verb (to be) are omitted as in the example.

silent doves
sun halts in western sky
as summer's last rose blooms

Personally, I would eliminate the adjective
"mourning" as adjectives, adverbs and prepositions
should be used sparingly and omitted when possible.
I get the connotation of "mourning" in relation to the
poem but I think it is understood, and to my eye and ear
it only clutters the haiku. Simple is better IMO.

Lovely haiku.

Best,
Marion

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Thank you Marion. I appreciate your knowledge of the form, and will change accordingly....Blessings.

[mfwilkie]

Very nice image, Jon. And M knows her stuff doesn't she!!!!

[mfwilkie]

Jon, M,

Thought you'd both enjoy this.

Maggie

(All the way at the bottom)


www.guardian.co.uk/books/gallery/2010/aug/12/haiku-animal-british-museum-gallery

[Marion Poirier]

Thanks Maggie,

I'll check it out.

M

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Very lovely, Maggie.......simplicity exalted.