Just Another Day?

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Each morning open yourselves
to the incredible gift of life that lies within you.

Carry it with you as you make your beds, shower,
sip your cinnamon- scented tea.

Then walk into the sunlight of a dream, with senses aglow
and smell the linden wafting on the breeze,
hear the rill flowing playfully beneath the willows,

see the dizzying orange of the tiger lilies,
touch the hand of the child next door
as she smiles at your hurried pace,

Then taste the sweetness of freedom
while you walk…

and slowly awaken.

[Marion Poirier]

Hi Jon,
Lovely, inspirational poem. I have a few suggestions
for some light to moderate trimming of phrases and
some modifiers that IMO clutter the poem.
It is also subjective, as I prefer a simple style.
Feel free to discard if it does not work for you.
Enjoyed!

Thanks for sharing, Jon.

Warm regards,
Marion

Each morning open yourselves
to the incredible gift of life within you

as you make your beds, shower
and sip your cinnamon- scented tea,

walk into the sunlight of a dream,
smell the linden wafting on the breeze,
hear the rill flowing beneath the willows,

see the orange of the tiger lilies,
touch the hand of the child next door
as she smiles at your hurried pace,

Then taste the sweetness of freedom
while you walk

and slowly awaken.

[mfwilkie]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The way you're using time isn't working for me, Jon.
The writing is too up in the clouds and needs to be more concrete, the language more direct.

Maggie

[ramadevi]

Namaste dear friend.
This is lovely and uplifting. How'd you know I add cinnamon to my morning tea? (LOL)
I did not mind this being up in the clouds...sometimes that's a good place to be.



Love, rd

[alfredo]

I like it
reminds me of the fragrance of Christ