Woodpecker (Minor tweaking)

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Woodpecker

The day explodes in feathers
          falling like blue-grey snow flakes
to the retreating sound of shotgun pellets
ripping leaves as life pitches into January air
only to fall in a tangle of brown and gold.

The 410 breaks with a lift of thin smoke,
a spent cartridge leaps from the iron breech
to land on winter’s ungrassed earth and
trees surrounding my boots are suddenly lifeless.
I bend beneath the weight of vacant blue
          to lift an empty brass and plastic shell.

Burnt powder perfumes icy air
          I pocket the still-warm casing
and lift the destroyed woodpecker in sad hands.
No blood, only death decorating his body,
smaller than a sparrow’s.

He should’ve flown when I threw the rocks;
I would have forgiven the damage
          if he’d only taken the slightest wing,
but he had come,
come determined to knock down my western wall.
I had come armed with steel shot.

I scoop a shallow grave right beside a perfect elm,
next to that same wall he had attacked with such a fury
          and lay him down,
cover him in the ground with earth and native stone.
          What remains
when Flesh and bone has run its course;
rises on acrid air with unseen wings,
leaving only holes,
some that I will fill, and some that I can not.

[MichaelFirewalker]

if this is true, I am so sorry for the pain your heart felt, the pain I feel in the voice speaking this narrative poem of violent death, and also for the pain of the loss of a woodpecker's life----there is no avoiding it in this place, where it seems the ugliest of constants...

the poem and its violence are simply, starkly written----the off-margin placement of certain lines:

"to lift an empty brass and plastic shell."
"if he’d only taken the slightest wing,"
"and lay him down,"
"What remains"

emphasizes their sorrow and their horror.

The last two lines are the saddest indictment of our world, our survival-of-the-fittest "civilization":

"leaving only holes,
some that I will fill, and some that I can not."

I'm sure others will suggest changes----I have none to suggest----the poem, like the gun, accomplished what it had to...

michael

[mfwilkie]

Great first read, Ron. Want to think about it with another couple of reads.

You know I have to ask this—
did the owl quit, or did you fire him, Cowboy? ;D

Mags

[Tina (Firefly)]

This touched me deeply, profoundly. I have always carried some very mysterious sorrow for birds in my heart. I am not a "birder" in the strict sense, but I do have a bird sanctuary in my backyard, just by the window where I sit to read. I love them nearly as if they were my children. I know the determination of the woodpecker--how stubbornly he corrupts the silence and destroys whatever he needs to in order to accomplish his task. In that way, you became his brother. You had your own mission and you approached it with a respect for your winged brother. It is a very powerful piece, well written and painful to read. Thank you Ron, for who you are. Tina

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Deeply moving poetry. I agree with Tina regarding the respect issue.The sacrifice of a life in the animal kingdom is painful to me, especially the little critters. Very authenic, Ron.

In the last stanza I don't think you need the "a" (such a fury.)

Engaging opening to the poem, likewise the metaphor in S4.

Nice one!

[LynnDoiron]

Quite wonderful, really fine. Something near the very end seems a little bumpy -- not sure why or what., Will give more reads and get back to you. A stunner, though. Standing on chair here, applauding.

[Nan]

This one saddens me. With eloquence, you marratively painted the sorrow felt for the unintentional loss of this woodpecker, which is an indication of your love for nature.

I can't find a nit to pick, but others may. I am unsure if Flesh (stanza 4, line 6) should be capitalized or not

Incredible writing, Ron.

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

Sometimes Ron Wallace I swear to God...powerful, powerful writing...personal, great images, great tone. I have one minor suggestion:

cover him in the ground with earth and native stone.

I think earth is sentence would be better said as dirt...it is a tonal issue with me...as the power in the broader meaning of earth seems to step on the powerful closing...food for thought...

either way, a Ron Wallace classic.

[Ken_Nye]

Boy, Ron, this one got to me. I, too, am a birder. When the staccato hammering of a woodpecker in the back woods, i get my field glasses and go looking for the source of the sound. That you went looking, too, with aa gun instead of binoculars catches the attention of birders like me, but the attitude which you take with you to perform this chore turns the reader arround completelhy. There is the feeleing in this poem of angst and brotherhood and the intertwining of all living things -sad regret

This is a terrific poem, Ron.

Ken

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Thanks to all for the kind words and the readings; thanks for the catches made and suggestions.
I quit as an armed hunter years ago. I vastly prefer the bright plumage and sinewed movement of all creatures. Taking of life pains me as it should all who take lives.
Maggie, you made me smile. I fired the owl with the next shot of the 410 as a matter of fact. His molded ass apparently didn't frighten woodpeckers at all. I've replaced him with another which moves with any wind, and I've placed wild bird feeders on the trees around the house. I'm told this occupies the interest of my feathered friends more than the walls of my home. God, I hope so. Thanks to you all. Ron

[David Nelson Bradsher]

After this morning with my girlfriend, watching finches converge on the thistle feeder outside her kitchen window, this one resonated even more with me, Ron. Wonderful and affectative work.

David

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

Ohh,Ron, that actually had me choked up a bit. Darn those little critters anyway. Have had a few of those as well and that OWL sometimes just doesn't do his job. You sure put alot of heart in that piece.

[alfredo]

Awesome images - a complete lesson in observation and its recording ...but much more of course

The first stanza was for me, the most captivating ..
consider:-

The day explodes in feathers
falling like blue-grey snow flakes
to the retreating sound of shotgun pellets
ripping leaves as life pitches into January air
only to fall in a tangle of brown and gold.

PS Ref: the title : Woodpecker (Minor tweeting???)