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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Jun 23, 2011 11:32:31 GMT -5
The curtain rises and
a new dream is born-
an opportunity, a direction
and the means to make
it reality.
The actor takes center stage.
Self-assured, clothed in colors
of grandeur, he speaks,
commanding every eye.
His actions are witnessed
with love and respect;
because he portrays the life
of every man ever born.
As he exits stage left,
he changes, leaves the theatre,
hails a cab and continues his
journey, with the cheers of
the audience following him
to the next scene.
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sanctus
EP 250 Posts Plus
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.~FN
Posts: 389
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Post by sanctus on Jul 5, 2011 12:07:15 GMT -5
I like this interesting take on an old reference. I'd be tempted to leave the destination (home) as a mystery (possibly because I just love mysteries), but I am pleasantly intrigued by this nonetheless.
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Jul 5, 2011 19:48:06 GMT -5
Good idea Daniel. Home does seem rather banal....where I can just omit it. Thanks
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alfredo
EP 250 Posts Plus
Posts: 340
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Post by alfredo on Jul 23, 2011 4:02:02 GMT -5
Consider"
"He leaves the stage,
changes,
hails a cab and departs
but the cheers accompany him
to and through, the next scene"
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Post by mfwilkie on Jul 30, 2011 17:15:22 GMT -5
Ending on 'and' in your opening line diminishes the image and anticipation of a curtain rising.
The curtain rises
and a new dream is born-
an opportunity, a direction
The dream is born, but does it usually follow
that the way to achieve it is born at the same time?
and the means to make
it reality.
You go from dream to accomplishment without giving the reader a chance to experience the journey. Pretty much all tell in what follows here.
The actor takes center stage.
Self-assured, clothed in colors
of grandeur, he speaks,
commanding every eye.
His actions are witnessed
with love and respect;
because he portrays the life
of every man ever born.
As he exits stage left,
he changes, leaves the theatre,
hails a cab and continues his
journey, with
I do like the possibilities in the ending.
the cheers of
the audience following him
to the next scene.
Maggie
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Post by lizbethbrown on Sept 24, 2011 19:33:57 GMT -5
Maggie I disagree. "And" leaves a pregnant pause. If you take the "and" off of the first line, you are left with simplistic. the curtain rises - whoopi freakin doo. the intriguing part IS the AND.
And with regard to your comment "without giving the reader a chance to experience the journey" I think YOU are not giving yourself the opportunity to experience the poem and its possibilities. Other readers did find that space within the poem as posted. I think it's a lovely journey.
I especially enjoy the regard it gives to art and artists, writers, actors, stories. We so easily forget the importance of these things to our humanity and i think the poem reminds us and rewards the human actor, reader, and theater patron for seeking to communicate the truth of humanity.
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Post by mfwilkie on Oct 11, 2011 11:01:47 GMT -5
I disagree back, lizbeth; the curtain rising itself creates the drama. If you're going to use the 'and' it might be better used if married to greater tension.
The curtain rises.
And it's as if a new dream is born-
an opportunity, a direction, the means
to create a new reality.
I want to see:
An actor takes center stage;
his voice rich in self-assurance
the eyes of those he's reached
are closed, their minds settled
with sound,
the illusion he is speaking to everyman.
His exit, and all that comes after,
is simply more theatre.
Jon, go to Tony Morris's official site and explore to your heart's content.
Mag
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