To Life

[Susan Louise Davis]

I weep for you.
For what was.
For what is.
Seeking solace in anything but everything is,
Everywhere I turn;
You, you, you.
Music, laughter,
All is you.


I weep for you and for what won't be realizing,
no matter what, no matter where;
You my Prince and teacher will always be.
Will always be with me.

I love you so much.
Some days more than life itself.
But then I hear your gentle voice coaxing,
testing, taunting;
To life with you!
To life go, do, awaken, be!

There will be time enough for grief.
Another day for sure.
Now there is work just along the shore.

So grab a tiny pebble,
A fractured shell or two,
Put them in your pocket from me to you.

Capture a baby's hand,
This little piggy too!
Rejoice!
Gifts of love.
Me.
You.

[mfwilkie]

SORRY FOR THE CAPS, BUT AM HAVING SOME EYE ISSUES AND THE CAPS ARE WORKING FOR ME AT THE MOMENT.

READ THROUGH A COUPLE OF TIMES, SUSAN. QUITE A LOVE LETTER.

NOT SURE ABOUT THE TITLE, THOUGH, AS THE POEM'S SUBJECT IS SOMEWHAT OBSCURED.
NOT SURE IF YOU'RE WRITING TO SOMEONE SPECIFIC IN YOUR LIFE, OR IF LIFE IS WRITING.


GIVE ME DAY OR TWO TO THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU THINK ABOUT IT TOO. THINK EDGIER AND MORE SPECIFIC LANGUAGE RE: SUBJECT OF PIECE.
ALSO USE OF PUNCTUATION.

Capture a baby's hand. .................LOVE THIS LINE

JUST A THOUGHT HERE ON THESE FEW LINES:

Capture a baby's hand.
This little piggy too.
THE WORD rejoice.
GIFTS of love.
Me.
You.

[Susan Louise Davis]

The subject is the passing of my brother and his insistence that life not be wasted in mourning, thus the title "To Life". I appreciate your guidance.

[Susan Louise Davis]

M, I have probably added too much punctuation. I am not sure what you intend with edgier but I did make some changes to clarify there is a bit of a mental conversation going on between my brother and I in this piece. I'm not sure if it comes across any clearer this time = )
I like what you suggested about the ending it makes sense to me. Do you think the message is more tangible now?