Always a Mother

[Nan]

Worry seldom escapes her;
thoughts shift from child to child--
from twenty years old, Sally
to thirty years old, Michael.

I hope Sally wore boots today,
the snow is deep.
She’s barely twenty, so young.
Oh dear, Michael has a cold,
I heard sneezes.
He’s thirty, but neglects his health;
too busy working.
Where's Sally, it's nightfall.
I wish she lived at home,
and not the college dorms.

Household chores
curtails uneasiness.
She mops spills,
dusts away mites,
and slices fats
from a stored-bought chicken.

Between basting and baking,
maternal thoughts return--
I hope the children
are eating three meals a day.

[LynnDoiron]

Ain't it the truth? My oldest will be forty this november and why he goes out in his shirtsleeves when he should be wearing a parka still makes me shake my head. Just a thought, Nan, but maybe couple the hope with the age information . . . Something like, I hope Sally wore boots today / the snow is deep / and she's barely twenty, so young; [etc.] I'm just thinking that if the ages are mixed in with the worry that it may seem more "showing" the worry.

Great premise for a poem, though. And a pleasure to read., lynn

[johnnysaturn]

Charming. I agree with Lyn about the ages. I also found the ending a little anti-climactic as it didn't actually add anything to the picture which had already ben painted.

[Nan]

Thanks Lynn and Johnny. This one needs more work. I'll work on it in the future as my muse moves me.

Lynn, do you constantly remind your son to wear a parka on those chilly days?

Johnny, I hear you. By returning to the mother's concerns at the poem's ending was my approach to illustrate that she does not escape worry, even when she's trying. The smallest things and tasks remind the mother of her children (in the case of poem, cooking/baking). Obviously, my approach resulted redundancy, particularly in the ending. Well, back to the drawing board with this one.

[MichaelFirewalker]

how I love a mother's heart, and such heartfullness speaks here!

am gonna play just a wee bit, to make it a little more concise, and remove some extra words----but please do ignore for sure if it's not helpful to you, Nan?

"She curtails uneasiness
with household chores.
She dusts away mites,
mops away spills,
and slices away fats
from a stored-brought chicken."

Household chores
curtail uneasiness.
She mops spills,
dusts away mites,
and slices fats from
stored-bought chicken.


michael

[Nan]

Thank you, Michael. I incorporated your suggestions. Yes, a mother's heart is endearing. This one still needs a major overhaul.