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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Feb 22, 2008 17:32:56 GMT -5
If only I could touch your face.
My love, you’ve commandeered my heart,
but distance leaves us in a place
where mind and spirit tear apart
the boundaries of a mortal world.
Endearment wraps me in your fire
then leads me to a heated land.
Exploring every shared desire
my passion pours at your command
upon this secret lovers’ cove
where time cannot control the sands.
Don’t leave me when that earthly wave
destroys this haven built by two.
Conceal me in emotion’s haze
where all I know are scenes of you,
when stroking me, within this dream.
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Post by LeoVictorBriones (poetremains) on Feb 22, 2008 17:52:40 GMT -5
I keep waiting for someone to write something like this for me!
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Feb 22, 2008 18:01:07 GMT -5
Then it is yours, my love.  |
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Post by mfwilkie on Feb 22, 2008 19:08:40 GMT -5
Nice piece, JL.
Just a thought in the second stanza to get the reader's mind of form and have it read more smoothly.
Mags
Endearment wraps me in your fire
then leads me to a heated land
where I explore our shared desire
and passion pours at your command
upon this secret lovers’ cove
where time cannot control the sands.
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Feb 22, 2008 20:45:18 GMT -5
Nice to see you back with this strong poem of love, Jo Lynn. I am guessing this is a particular style of poetry....(within the confines of rhyme and meter.) Nice images.
S1L4 "tears apart"
Hope you are well dear.
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Vasile Baghiu
EP Gold 1000 Posts Plus
EP Word Master
poetry is rather a matter of life than art
Posts: 1,385
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Post by Vasile Baghiu on Feb 23, 2008 11:07:07 GMT -5
I admire the powerful feelings involved here, JL.
Vasile
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Feb 23, 2008 11:27:15 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for your input...Mags, I'll think on that, changes the meaning and not sure I want it changed but I'll give it sme thought. Jon, my mind is still unsure on the tear/tears thing....where is Ron Wallace when I need him? Thank you Vasile for feeling this one.
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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Feb 23, 2008 12:12:15 GMT -5
Nice, JL. I can't see, right off, how Mag's suggestion differs from your version, but maybe I'm just daft this morning.
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Feb 23, 2008 12:18:22 GMT -5
This is classic Jo Lynn work with romance and passion mixed in fine style. Our friend Jon is steering you straight. "tear" is correct.
So very nice to read your words, my friend. Ron
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Feb 23, 2008 15:24:51 GMT -5
English..UGH...thanks you two for steering me on the right path. Lord knows I need someone to.
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Feb 23, 2008 16:23:35 GMT -5
your path is ecstatic fire, JL, and it very likely blew out a couple of major-domo servers on its titillating way onto this site today!
LOVE the poem...oh yeah...
michael
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