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Leap
Feb 25, 2008 21:08:16 GMT -5
Post by LynnDoiron on Feb 25, 2008 21:08:16 GMT -5
They say you took the leap but they’re wrong. You’re on the ridge or where the root hangs loose or just above, the ledge; you feel the pebbles, round and chunky, give, the sonics of your heart kah-BOOM kah-BOOM hard in your ears with none but mice or bobcat who might care (but won’t). And that’s no fault of theirs they won’t mourn family not their own. There’s an eagle in your hair, talons tangled, urging you forward or dragging you back or maybe just confused. You did lean out, didn’t you, daring the distance to snap you up (or is that down)? And she might’ve thought your head a dead snag for a perfect cliff-edge roost. If she did, your scream outdid her Screeeee!
Kah-BOOM kah-BOOM the heart goes on and the hair goes off in root-tagged hanks hung from bird feet. She is free of you, you of her, and later they will all say you leapt for the pain you could not keep.
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Leap
Feb 25, 2008 22:54:15 GMT -5
Post by mfwilkie on Feb 25, 2008 22:54:15 GMT -5
Chicky,
What if you replaced 'they're' with they are.
You have a contraction beginning the next sentence.
They say you took the leap but they’re wrong.
Mugs
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Leap
Mar 4, 2008 20:47:40 GMT -5
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Mar 4, 2008 20:47:40 GMT -5
Surreal and powerful with images that compell the reader to continue and frighten him at the same time. I stumble at the end of line two, gotta be me though. I love the "kah-Boom" sound device; it works well. Great stuff. Ron
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