Tempest

[alfredo]

Clouds darken, gather
n’ shove together.
A purplish grey
pushes away
the last of the blue.
No wings can be seen.
passing through
the distant view.

Leap the swollen river;
negative to positive-
accumulated statics;
split second flashes
connect to what’s below.
Babba boom Babba boom
Sudden,
sky-wide
bright white
n’ distant echo.

Lines of stinging silver
snatch and dash
someone’s cap.
Drench, suck
invert an umbrella
dump n’ toss
drops and froth
over the top
drenching curious n’ careless.

Shallowing
causes the incoming
to rise, curve, collapse
n’ tumble the shores once more.

The green undulating ripple
is now deep n' dark waves
pushing
back the river’s flow;
smooth across the fields
accelerating away
a moving mass
of this and that.
Ki Ki Ka Ka Boom
Concussion brings white
to faces
sudden, in the light

Sucking urgent tide
Drawing all inside

[mfwilkie]

'fredo,

Some thoughts on achieving stronger images. I replaced 'n with ands.

Clouds darken,
gather, shove
atogether purple
and grey
to push away
the last of the blue;
no wings seen
passing through
the distant view.

Leap the swollen river;
negative to positive-
accumulated statics;
split-second flashes
connect to what’s below.

Babba boom Babba boom—

sudden and sky-wide—
bright white and distant
echoes.

Lines of stinging wind
snatch at caps.
invert umbrellas,
dump and toss
drops and froth
drenching the curious
and careless.

Shallowing causes
the incoming tide
to rise and curve,
collapse, re-tumble
on shore.

Undulating ripples of green
become deep and dark deep
exertions pushing back the
river’s flow;


And:
a sucking urgent tide
drawing all inside

You might want to look at the rest for more claity.

Maggie