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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 6, 2008 16:06:20 GMT -5
let me
turn and scoop
a sinuous scratch as
the rake of one sharp nail
scrapes honeyed skin rough
in a long trail of cherry red brand
that spills in the shape of the snail
who squirms and meanders the end
of this circling liquid pearl tongue
that undulates down the arc of
your back until you begin
to knead that soft muff
of cinnamon curls
on the palm of
my hungery
hand
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Mar 7, 2008 16:17:47 GMT -5
Oh my.....should have known better than to open this during work hours and sweetheart I absolutely love the form poetry going here. Oh my so vivid is thy image
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Post by johnnysaturn on Mar 7, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5
Yum yum
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 7, 2008 18:04:17 GMT -5
JL----think we gotta be related kiddo----toooo much alike----in all the best ways o' 'course...
John----couldn't have said it better myself...
michael
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Mar 7, 2008 19:16:30 GMT -5
Glad I'm keeping abreast of your work, Michael. Nicely done shape poem with a conclusion that rubbed me the right way.
(Did you want hungry instead of hungery?)
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alfredo
EP 250 Posts Plus
Posts: 340
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Post by alfredo on Mar 7, 2008 19:35:05 GMT -5
Intense use of imagination of passion/lust love/feeling or is it observation?
Exceptional description. I wish ..
Truly terrific ('cept the "hungry"word ...oh yeah the word "brand' stopped me dead too). More please!
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Post by sandpiper on Mar 8, 2008 9:23:27 GMT -5
adult theme, uh, yeah...
Well done, I like the ending very much, and I like the hungery as it is, even if it originally was a typo...
The only part that slipped me up was the line:
"of the circling liquid pearl tongue", all of the adjectives felt a little too much for me there, and I'd maybe look at another way of phrasing that...
but, as always, that's just me...
Great otherwise, the ending was most unexpected, and well played.
-piper
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 8, 2008 14:32:36 GMT -5
Hey...Jon----I'm glad you are well abreasted too!----and I wanted hungery for the sound of that extra syllable...don't think it's really a word, but what the heck...
dear alfredo----I must confess that michael is having fun on all counts, and has decided to write about it----love sex----so, why not?
piper----thanks for those astute observations----I really appreciate that input----changed some minor things in the lines around the "circling liquid pearl tongue"----would you mind reading it aloud again and letting me know what you think now?
;ove ya'll,
michael
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