There Was Hail

[LynnDoiron]

An old dog of a man squats low,
wears a utility shirt stamped USMC
with holes where a rank had been.
He is under the eaves, watching
white hail miss his coffee mug.
You have seen chameleons,
how they blend with no effort, inherit
the brown ground, the green leaf –
Such is the case with him,
but reversed: bricks at his back
go drab green from worn red;
sidewalks take on his gray shadow,
and it is only the steam
rising in one long curve from his unchipped cup
that bequeathes a sense of freedom.
Benign sentry, he guards the alleys of difficult times,
face stubble warming his cheeks like a thin coat,
chains of duty broken, unlatched, cold.


[after Ted Kooser’s “A Rainy Morning”, Delights & Shadows]

[MichaelFirewalker]

O my goodness how you can unexpectedly delight!----I am enamored of your old man, so perfectly perverse in worn elegance, as he sits and he sips from his cup that refuses to chip, while all that lies around him becomes as he is, inevitably drawn into his colors of being----exquisitely writ...

michael

[LynnDoiron]

thank you, michael.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I was taken by the reverse-chameleon effect here...quite imaginative.
I was bumped by the coffee mug, for I would expect the character to be drinking from a styrofoam cup or such. Of course then you'd have to alter the unchipped cup.
Other than that, I hail your poem.

[LynnDoiron]

That damned mug has turned into a bit of a problem for the poem (You're not the first to mention it); BUT I can't let it go, not just yet. You see, for me, this guy, well, this guy's mug represents this guy, or, what I mean is, this guy's "interior", or integrity, or his belief that whatever has been required of him and whatever he has done (right or wrong) in the face of serving his country, he did because he believed in what he was doing. It's like he's not perfect, he's an out and out failure, on the streets, homeless probably, but he has that kernal inside that's unchipped, and sometimes that is the only place he can draw from to keep on keeping on. Way too much information, not something I like to do, but, I gotta defend that damned mug! At least until I figure out another way . . . Honestly, when I wrote this I had it pictured in my head that there was a soup kitchen on this alley that he's sort of guarding, these difficult times and all, and that he sort of worked there, like a bouncer or a server or a whatever, and that he had a real mug to drink from. But I can't expect a reader to know what I've imagined -- and I know that. I so absolutely appreciate your mentioning the cup, esp. as it coincides with other critical comments elsewhere. Will wait and see what else is said and mull it over some more. Thanks. lots. lynnie

[antman]

Take it from an old GI-rene, the coffee mug works
especially for this soldier who loves his java and his mug.
I had a special one when I was in the Corps.
It had a picture of Old Ironsides in blue that surrounded
the entire cup, I carried that with me through my whole
tour until it finally got cracked and chipped...it was hard
to let go of that sucker. Much like the one in your poem : )
I certainly could relate to that part of your poem and the
character as well. I really enjoyed the simile at the end.
As for me the mug works well, my vote is to keep it in.

peace and love,
anthony

[LynnDoiron]

Thank you, anthony. Your vote carries weight. I so appreciate the history you offered (I think there's a poem in that)

this soldier who loves
his java and his mug
had a special one
in the Corps
with a picture
of Old Ironsides
in blue
and I carried that
with me through
my whole tour
until it cracked.

Even chipped ...
it was hard
to let go.

[sorry, anthony, i could not help myself. i felt you had written a poignant moment of many, many service members in your response to my poem. What a compliment that is to me. Thank you.]

[David Nelson Bradsher]

So vivid, so good, Lynn. I hate not having anything to crit.

[LynnDoiron]

I had forgotten about this one written a month ago. Thanks, D!

[pelos]

Lynn, like the images I see so clearly - and as one already spoke of the reverse
chameleon effect - is very effective in this stellar work, I find no reason nor desire
to mess with a perfect piece. pelos