Did She Forget?

[Nan]

Snubs followed her
as she walked high school halls.
Her Levi’s and slender frame
didn’t measure up to the standards.

Pillows endured her punches
and embraced her midnight sobs,
as she asked,
What am I lacking?

High grades and test scores
later led her to Ivy League schools,
summa cum laude status,
and an undefined superiority.

Today, she parades hospital halls
with a stethoscope of arrogance,
acknowledging only employees
with MD’s behind their names
and barking at ones
without degrees.

She's practicing medicine;
dressing and healing
patients’ wounds,

unaware her own remain open.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Snubs followed her
(as she walked the corridors)
while walking corridors.Her Levi’s Jeans and slender frame
didn’t meet the “standards”
of fellow high school students. (her contemporaries.)

(The reader may assume she is in high school, due to the later reference to Ivy League schools)

Pillows endured her punches
and (embraced her) midnight sobs, (just a possibility)
as she cried,
“God, why am I inferior?”

Still, High grades and test scores
led her to Ivy League schools,
summa cum laude status,
and an undefined superiority. (I like "undefined superiority.)

Today, she parades
(hospital halls) with
a stethoscope of arrogance,
acknowledging only employees
with MD’s behind their names
and barking at ones who don’t. (without)

She's practicing medicine,(
dressing and healing
patients’ wounds,

unaware her(s) remains open.

Just some thoughts, Nan.....feel free to use or disregard.
Before you added the bottom comment, I felt it was someone with
whom you were acquainted.

[mfwilkie]

Not gloomy at all, Nan.

Jon caught all the points I made note of.

Maggie

[Nan]

Jon, I love all of your changes and will incorporate them.

In the first stanza, I was trying to portray that she was in high school and later attended college. I am going to revse a bit to make the poem a little clearer.

Yes, Jon this poem is about someone I acquainted. I am not a doctor (lol).

[Marion Poirier]

Hi Nan, Interesting poem-just some thoughts for minor
changes. I'd introduce the H.S. in the first sentence-
don't know if Levi is a brand name-if not should not
be capitalized and a few other suggestions.


Snubs followed her
while walking the high school corridors.
Her Levi’s Jeans and slender frame
didn’t meet measure up to the (“)standards(”)
of fellow high school students. the popular students

Pillows endured her punches
and midnight sobs,
as she cried,
“God, why am I inferior?”
she asked, What am I lacking?

Still, After graduation, high grades
and test scores led her to Ivy League
schools, summa cum laude status,
and an undefined superiority.

Today, she parades
a stethoscope of arrogance,
acknowledging only employees
with MD’s behind their names
and barking at ones who don’t(._
without degrees.
.
She's practicing medicine,
dressing and healing
patients’ wounds,

unaware her own remain(s) open.

[Nan]

Thank you, Maggie for stopping by and your keen eye.

Marion, I am SO glad to see you stopped by. Thank you for the suggestions. I used many (if not all of them).

Happy Easter, All

[antman]

Wow Nan, I love this and it's power
to go ful circle. Very creative and well
written. Nothing for me to nit or pic.

peace...love,
ant

[Nan]

Thank you, Ant. Jon and Marion helped me tweak the poem. Any other suggestions will be welcomed.

Nan

[Ken_Nye]

Nan, this poem is kind of sad in its depiction of a woman (girlr) who is verbally demeaned in her youth, but doesn't learn anything from playing the role of victim. It's an interesting twist to what usually is a mini-morality play.

Ken

[Nan]

Ken, one would expect the woman to be more compassionate, given her teen years. I think, anyone who feels superior to his fellow man is bearing some sense of inadequacy/insecurity. I wanted to convey such message in this poem.

Thank you for the review and commentary.

Nan

[Jay Gandhi (engineering poet!)]

very interesting read....but I agree with Ken...

[LynnDoiron]

And I see the lack of compassion this successful woman shows as the wound Nan has quite honestly portrayed. The harm done early on is still an open sore even if she goes about life unconscious to to it.

Snubs followed her
as she walked high school halls.
Her Levi’s and slender frame [capitalize the brand name Levi's]
didn’t measure up to the standards. [I'd italicize standards and end here; omit next line.]
of popular students. [omit this line]

Pillows endured her punches
and embraced her midnight sobs,
as she asked,
What am I lacking?
[*see below re: this stanza]

[After graduation, -- this seems obvious, Nan. I'd omit and begin with High grades]
high grades and test scores
led her to Ivy League schools,
summa cum laude status,
[and an undefined superiority. -- I would omit this, too -- it tells what's already been told above]

Today, she parades hospital halls
with a stethoscope of arrogance, [love this ]
acknowledging only employees
with MD’s behind their names
and barking at ones
without degrees.

She's practicing medicine;
dressing and healing
patients’ wounds,

unaware her own remain open.

[*re: the stanza that asks What am I lacking? Nan, because the pillow endures and embraces her actions, I wondered about reworking this stanza in a way that would put the action on the pillow, how it could not answer her nightly questions . . . just a thought]

Good write. lynn

[Nan]

Thank you stopping by Lynn and Jay.

Lynn, your suggestions are excellent. Ironically, many of your suggestions were in my original posting. There was confusion as to the time periods in which I was referring (from high school years to after medical school graduation), so I changed the language.

I am still pondering on deleting “and an undefined superiority” That line is one of my favorites, but if not needed, I will definitely consider the deletion.

As my time permits, I will re-write the second stanza. Thank you for the suggestion.

To avoid sending this poem to the top, I am also thanking any future reviewers in advance.

[MichaelFirewalker]

O this is good, Nan----have seen this kind of thing myself sooo many times, and it always grieves...

I like the way you began with the word "snubs"----that's a great hook, and a perfect example of "what goes around comes around"...

then I like her name, Pillows, someone who takes her punches, another great hook...

next, "an undefined superiority" wins out as my favorite descriptive, because it tells it all----she is as yet undefined, especially to herself, despite her many accomplishments...

and the last line effectively closes the poem, because you leave us inside her truth----she is a healer, the kind who is likely exquisitely and compassionately sensitive to her patients, who are sacrosanct to her because they symbolically represent her own success----but she is also a healer with wounds of her own, which have not been surgically closed, but remain open, causing her to try to bolster her nagging sense of powerlessness on those whom she views as less powerful than herself...

an excellent and thought-provoking poem,
michael