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Post by dcpottsmd on Mar 24, 2008 20:13:08 GMT -5
These drops…
These drippings-down
from wax of woeful hours,
which trace in viscous tears a mask
that stiffens near the Fahrenheit of death
are meltings of a mannequin
compared with beads of blood
which seeped that night from You.
The waxy substance of myself
exudes a sweat: opaque, devoid.
But on Your brow,
through broken bark of flesh,
an ancient olive sap
with fragrance sharp as primal life
bleeds down across the face of God
and hardens not
beneath Death’s chill.
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Post by mfwilkie on Mar 24, 2008 21:44:41 GMT -5
Danny,
This is magnificent!
And love this.
which trace in viscous tears a mask
that stiffens near the Fahrenheit of death
Read out loud it's even better than magnificent!!!
Maggie
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Mar 25, 2008 7:38:23 GMT -5
Beautifully contrasted, Danny. Great to see you posting after a long draught (though I know your profession demands a great deal of your time.)
Each of us is a son of God, and therefore has the potential to be a Christ, or at least possess that consciousness.
To me, this brings tears of joy, that wax eternal.
God bless you Danny for always being in the Divine heart. Jon
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Post by sandpiper on Mar 25, 2008 15:39:38 GMT -5
You did get a lot into this one! well done!
The only hitch for me was the punctuation in S1, and I'm not a sage of punctuation, so if what I'm saying is incorrect, just ignore, buit I would have preferred while reading there to be commas after "down" and after "death" so that in S2 the "are" goes right back to the drippings down as opposed to any of the others. It was difficult for me to match them up, and I think the commas would bring that home a little better.
Other than that, no nits, I think you've done a great job on this one! You've worked the olives in there, and the face of God. I like~
-piper
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Mar 25, 2008 18:10:25 GMT -5
O do I ever agree!...as I read, the images pulled me deep into serious stillness, when the whole poem was suddenly set afire by
"ancient olive sap
with fragrance sharp as primal life
bleeds down across the face of God"
then tears as the sap refused to harden "beneath death's chill"
WOW...
thank you,
michael
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Post by dcpottsmd on Mar 26, 2008 8:14:58 GMT -5
Wow Maggie! I am speechless. And Jon, your sentiments are beautiful and I appreciate them more than you know. Piper, I can see what you are suggesting. Let me chew on that for a bit. Michael, the fact that the words gave you stillness and fire really humbles me. The art is always greater than the artist. Many thanks to you all!
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