Take time

[alfredo]

If you take time
at Sunderland Landing
in the late afternoon
when the bridge silhouettes
against the silvery west.

If you take time
after the dum-dum-dum
boat has gone,
and listen to the lapping
and look at the
birds floating on the sea.
First you see me,
then you don’t.

Take time
there at the wharf.
when birds are all in line,
pecking,
fluttering,
reaching down
and round,
checking.
Time to go,
time to come.

I ask myself,
“Is it tricky landing on a rail?”
Then a sharp-eyed seagull
taken aback, says,
“what sort’a question’s that?”


Sunderland Landing was used many years ago to haul flying boats to their hangers, after a watery landing.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I enjoyed the lightness in this poem. You painted a lovely visual.
Don't know if you need the repeat of "bobbing" in S3.
Didn't catch pecking and checking til the third read.

I think the final stanza would read more smoothly as:
".....Then a sharp(-) eyed seagull taken aback says...."

Welcome, Alfredo.

[alfredo]

Thanks You are right. I made the changes

[alfredo]

This may help:

Title indicates stuff below the surface (no pun intended).

Obviously the poem is about taking the time to observe and love nature. However, the bird’s astonished response, to the poets comment is of the form “of course I am wondrous; it’s no accident!” A remark fitting all nature and for some, raising the question “gradualism or creationism?”

You could also view the boat engine's dum-dum as dumb-dumb; as in seeing man creation as dumb and ugly and all nature (God creation) as the only true beauty.

[MichaelFirewalker]

wonderful stuff, alfredo, both your poem and your discussion of it----seems to me we are all creating creation everyday, just like you have here, and beautifully...

Michael

[pelos]

I liked the visuals in this piece - I also think its a beaut of a poem - my only nit
is the first stanza - it feels like it drops of a cliff there and I am trying to retrieve
whats missing. just a thought - I like over all love this:
when the bridge silhouettes
against the silvery west.

pelos

[Jay Gandhi (engineering poet!)]

nice poetry...very light and very good imagery...

I liked it..

cheers Jay

[sleepsw/bear(Rick Stansberger)]

I like the sound, imagery, and flow of this one. Welcome!

Rick

[Sherry Thrasher]

We've not been properly introduced but I would like to welcome you to Emerging Poets. I have enjoyed your little coastal romp and have a couple of suggestions for you to use if you wish. Thanks for the smile.

Sherry

If you take the time
at the Sunderland Landing
in the late afternoon
when the bridge silhouettes
against the silvery west.

If you take the time
after the dum-dum-dum
boat has gone,
and listen to the lapping
and look at the
birds bobbing on the sea.
First you see me,
then you don’t.

Take the time
there at the wharf.
when birds are all in line,
pecking,
fluttering,
reaching down
and round,
checking.
Time to go,
time to come.

I ask myself,
“Is it tricky landing on a rail?”
Then a sharp-eyed seagull
taken aback, says,
“what sort’a question’s that?”

[LynnDoiron]

Enjoyed!

lynn