Memories of an Alien Abduction -rewritten

[sandpiper]

Dreams interrupted- other wordly eyes
peer huge and calm above the lips, mere slits
that speak no sound. No words or useful bits
of wisdom help discern the wheres and whys
I'm lifted without touch towards the skies.
Those small ones stand apart, the large one looms
so close above my face, quickly presumes
to poke and prod, examining his prize.
A touch of pleasure, much to my surprise
I'm bundled up, returned to safety's bed
where fear is clouded, peace found in its stead.
As memories arise, I must surmise
that aliens indeed have come to Earth
or else I've seen the moments of my birth.








original

Out of deep sleep
eyes open
to the light
and creatures
their eyes!
some short
some tall
no mouths or noses...
and I'm lifted
beyond my power
to the table.
Examined by the big one
who messes with my belly
and probes
as little ones stand by-
and when I awake again
I remember nothing-
of my lack of depth perception-
of my birth.

[wavemaker9 (Rick D.)]

Sounds like morning, breakfast, and hungry aliens.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Nice work, Piper.. keeping the meaning hidden until the last line. I guess we're all aliens at heart and cord.

[MichaelFirewalker]

agree with Jon----we all be alien to our true selves, and those of us who don't agree with that simply don't get it at all----and THAT kind of ignorance of both mind and soul is the most common state of present-day human being/knowing...

michael

[David Nelson Bradsher]

And to think I was about to ask you if you'd ever been to Roswell, N.M.

[johnnysaturn]

At leat with aliens proper, there's always the outside chance they might let you return.

[sandpiper]

lol, thanks Rick, Jon, Michael, David and Johnny, I've still not found a way to quite make this one poetic. It came from my pondering of the stories of alien abductions and trying to figure out what memory everyone has it might stem from, if it isn't aliens and finding the links. (taking the skeptics view) but, I agree, it does sound quite a bit like breakfast at my house... lol..
Thanks! and I'll keep playing with it...
piper

[mfwilkie]

Piper, Each time I read this, I keep thinking shock and awe is what I want to read, and the same nit comes at me: the placement of 'their eyes'.

I think the problem may be it's too wordy:
'Examined by the big one
who'

Maggie


Out of deep sleep
eyes open
to the light
and creatures
their eyes!
some short
some tall
no mouths or noses...
and I'm lifted
beyond my power
to the table.
messes with my belly
and probes
as little ones stand by-
and when I awake again
I remember nothing-
of my lack of depth perception-
of my birth.

[sandpiper]

Maggie, I got confused, and made it even more wordier :-)
let me know if it works any better for you this way.
thanks,
piper

[mfwilkie]

piper,

I don't think you over-wrote this at all. I like what you did with the idea and love your ending couplet.

Here are some thoughts on ways you might move the flow of action and images.

Maggie


Dreams interrupted- other wordly eyes
peer huge and calm above the still lips, mere slits
that speak no sound. No words or useful bits
of wisdom help discern the wheres and whys—
I'm lifted without touch towards the skies(.)
Those While small ones stand apart, the large one looms(
so close above my face, quickly presumes *
*a bit of a language nit here, piper, I'd like a clearer image and energy.
Something like:
we're face to face, and he, with speed, presumes
to poke and prod, examining (deciphering?) his prize(my size?).
A touch of pleasure, (I warm with pleasure much to my surprise)
I'm then bundled up, returned to safety's then sent safely back to bed;
where fear once ruled is clouded, I find some peace found in its instead.
As memories arise, I must surmise
that aliens indeed have come to Earth
or else I've seen the moments of my birth.

[sandpiper]

ah, great ideas maggie, I'll play with it, and see what I can come up with.
Thanks!
piper

[LynnDoiron]

I like it.