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Post by mfwilkie on Dec 18, 2007 14:33:51 GMT -5
Johnny,
What if you added:
I said, We’ll see
Maggie
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Dec 18, 2007 14:42:43 GMT -5
Death by chocolate...
No
and turn to go
Then that little girl lost voice
percolates through the duvet:
Roger is at a conference
all next week
in Tirana
something to do with quantum physics
or theosophy
you could smear me
head to toe
with Bournville chocolate
scatter glacé cherries
strategically about my person
and have the cake
you’ve always wanted
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Dec 18, 2007 15:08:32 GMT -5
agree with mags and Sherry...
we'll see as an ending, is confusing-----there's not enough information as to why she would say that-----so, it comes off as extraneous...
michael
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Post by sandpiper on Dec 18, 2007 19:49:38 GMT -5
Hey Johnny,
Well, now I'll come in and throw a wrench in the mix...
I think off of memory and seeing Sheryy's post with the quote that I like the original (with the hint as opposed to full out) better, can you post the original with the new so I can tell for sure?
-piper
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