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Post by dmtimney on Dec 18, 2007 13:43:11 GMT -5
Let the tempests come
I have weathered storms before
and nothing that the wind
can do, cannot be undone.
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Post by mfwilkie on Dec 18, 2007 14:30:18 GMT -5
Nice, and apropos, considering.
Mags
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Dec 18, 2007 15:02:38 GMT -5
strength speaks
indirectly
from this one
a deep, abiding strength
of heart and will
it feels hard won
well done
michael
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Dennis Cook
EP 100 Club
Meet the sunrise with expectation, and your sunset with a prayer...
Posts: 199
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Post by Dennis Cook on Dec 18, 2007 22:07:00 GMT -5
Donna--- I read your poem(lovely)but I noticed a little pick.
Let the tempests come
I have weathered storms before
and nothing that the wind
can do, cannot be undone.
(I have weathered storms {implies before})
This is only a suggestion.
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Post by mfwilkie on Dec 19, 2007 4:50:10 GMT -5
Donna,
Dennis's suggestions brings a nice balance the rhythm of the piece. I'd use it.
You might say 'I've weathered storms before', remove 'that', and maybe move 'can'do' up to the end of the previous line.
Let the tempests come—
I've weathered storms before
and nothing the wind can do
cannot be undone.
Mags
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Dec 21, 2007 12:37:06 GMT -5
I like the additionof "before". I missed it earlier I guess, but it's there now and it works well, very solid, effective voice in a short piece. Ron
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