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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Dec 20, 2007 11:59:50 GMT -5
Should he ever think of me
please tell him that I'm fine
(and that I recall him fondly,
especially at Christmas time.)
The tinseled trees all twinkled white
gifts wrapped in bags with bows
cold winter nights by firelight,
his ruddy cheeks and nose-
I feel his weight upon my skin,
wearing Calvin Klein cologne
I think of all that might have been
and since how time has flown.
If he should ever think of me
please nudge him with my smile
and memories of sparkling trees
across his years and miles.
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Dec 20, 2007 13:10:24 GMT -5
Tight little package, Sherry. Well done.
Just slightly bumped in L10.
"I feel his weight upon my skin
smell (his or the) Calvin Klein cologne."
Just my take.
Merry Christmas.....
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Dec 20, 2007 13:41:50 GMT -5
much enjoyed, Sherry, on both sites...
michael
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Dec 20, 2007 14:26:28 GMT -5
Thank you and Merry Cristmas to you all.
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Post by Jo Lynn Ehnes on Dec 20, 2007 15:57:24 GMT -5
Ahh the memories that ever linger. I really enjoyed this, Sis. Hope all is well with you and yours this holiday season. Couple minor thoughts
Should he ever think of me
please tell him that I'm fine
(and that I recall him fondly,(drop that)
especially at Christmas time.)
The tinseled trees all twinkled white(think I would comma)
gifts wrapped in bags with bows(Maybe comma or period here)
cold winter nights by firelight,
his ruddy cheeks and nose-
I feel his weight upon my skin,
wearing Calvin Klein cologne(this line needs work, still thinking upon it though, it needs a better meter. Maybe something along it's wrapped in Calvin Klein cologne or drop the Calvin Klein and just go with still wrapped in his cologne or something like that)
I think of all that might have been
and since how time has flown.
If he should ever think of me
please nudge him with my smile
and memories of sparkling trees
across his years and miles.
Might be back later to play more when I have some extra time.
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Dec 20, 2007 16:30:16 GMT -5
Gosh, but the Calvin Klein...  Thinking still wrapped in Calvin Klein cologne would work in the Christmas theme. Thanks for your keen eye. BTW, they don't make that stuff anymore. It must have been pure pheromones. |
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Dec 21, 2007 12:47:27 GMT -5
I really thought you turned out a good sound here, Sherry. Calvin took me awhile to adjust to the sound of the name in the line, but I think I got it. Very nice. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Ron
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Post by Tina (Firefly) on Dec 21, 2007 13:15:57 GMT -5
Sherry, I love it when I find a rhyming poem on EP! You did a great job with the meter and rhyme and I enjoyed the nostalgia. Sigh. I remember that Calvin Klein cologne along with English Leather. Sigh. Sigh. Have a splendid Christmas. Hope to see you in 2008!! Love, Tina
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Post by Sherry Thrasher on Dec 21, 2007 15:09:19 GMT -5
Memory of it makes me want to slam my head into a wall...  Merry Christmas back at you all. (Forever rhyming.) Be safe and well. Love, Sherry |
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Thinking still wrapped in Calvin Klein cologne would work in the Christmas theme. Thanks for your keen eye. BTW, they don't make that stuff anymore. It must have been pure pheromones.
