The Potosi Silver Mines

[syzygy73]

In Potosi Bolivia the ancient silver mines
are dying,
Once richer and more populated than London
or Paris
the world's highest city has become downtrodden,
undervalued, underpeopled and overlooked since
the elevated days of the seventeenth century.

It takes days in low-ceilinged chambers and
narrow passages more dust than air, pitch
black with electricial cables and waterpipes side
by side, to bring a handful of the Moon from
the earth,
secrets are not given up easily, but for pesos
and cold indifference.

The mineface is undaunted by dynamite and drills
having remained unknown for millennia,
its domain is that of bacterium, worms and other
blind things that love the permanent night,
so that when it is opened in chunks for an ounce
of metal it continues to breathe as if there had been
nothing but a slight cough.

The miners, good-natured men, family men who
enjoy a joke and a bottle of beer and in different
times would have celebrated the hunt with a deer
roasting on the spit, have a sadness in
their eyes, a sadness that converses in a
language only their dead know,

Their children, sons and daughters of the Sun
have nothing but time to dig,
empty the royal land
of its treasure for the sake the latest conquistadores,
for cameras and cutlery.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Good prose poetry, Robert.

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Rob, I love the poem's story. The second stanza is a vein of silver itself. I'd kill the pronoun "it" and say {Days in low-ceilinged chambers and / narrow passages with more dust than air, pitch / black, electric cables and waterpipes side / by side bring a handful of the Moon (My favorite image in the poem)
The opening of stanza three is not clear to me. How is the mineface undaunted? I'm not sure I nee to understand though as I still get the images that follow and really like the voice.
I think there may be more to add in stanza four. They seem men who have been exploited for a lengthy time, maybe an image of their native features or culture here. Is it a typo ending S4 with a comma?
I really like the images in the fifth and final stanza, but I'd switch them around making it {for the sake of the latest conquistadores / for cameras and cutlery.} Powerful stuff, Rob.
I like it a lot; it might even open to more stanzas, but I'm not sure, as I do see a beginning, a middle and an ending in the work already. Ron

[MichaelFirewalker]

wow-wow-wow, Rob, this one reached way down deep into my soul, and left me empathically drowned in the horror of the rape of the Mother who is Earth, and of her aboriginal children----it is a quiet powerhouse of a piece, very understated, and therefore even more effective than lots of verbal bombast would have been----I agree with Ron that you need to emphasize the natives a wee bit more, painting more clearly their uniquely definitive nativeness that is like no other----it needs those concrete specifics to let its Bolivian sorrow reach more piercingly into the mind of the reader, and leave a permanent marker there that will not be forgotten----this is an important statement, and many more like it need to be spoken----it is time...

michael

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

I think this is a rich and interesting poem. There is too much poetical about it to be a prose poem in my opinion. I think restructuring to poem more and bring the poem alive with additional images would help substantially.

These are the two best stanzas because they are so full of details:

t takes days in low-ceilinged chambers and
narrow passages more dust than air, pitch
black with electricial cables and waterpipes side
by side, to bring a handful of the Moon from
the earth,
secrets are not given up easily, but for pesos
and cold indifference.

The mineface is undaunted by dynamite and drills
having remained unknown for millennia,
its domain is that of bacterium, worms and other
blind things that love the permanent night,
so that when it is opened in chunks for an ounce
of metal it continues to breathe as if there had been
nothing but a slight cough.

I think changing the voice to 1st or second person would make the poem more interesting. Right now it seems to be struck somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd...me bad, I can't quite figure it out.

Don't get me wrong. This is a strong poem as is (because of its theme and language) but if you really want to dig in and make this sing—those are my suggestions.

Thanks for the read.

[syzygy73]

Thanks for all the suggestions- it seems I have a project to complete, I will get on to it and see where it ends up...

Rob

[Ron Buck (halfshell)]

Robbie:

What stood out to me, sparked my head was “for the sake the latest conquistadores,”. The poem itself runs its course to this moment and all that is delivered prior to this is a life of subjugation. I don’t know if another look on your part could carry this or frame the poem with this intent throughout, it may be that it would then be too apparent.

The flow is there and the bones have shape. You have a direct but light hand that carries the work without anointing it with too many poetic favors. But if you could or wanted to tip the cart in one direction it may be that your conquistadores line is the key.

I have a sense that this is the first go-round... there is an exploratory feel that is illuminating the shaft for you... you can pull it back by compaction or you can open it further. The nice thing about poetry is that what we find in our journey leads to more exploration.

Don’t know if this helped, but I’ve got a good feeling about what you’re unearthed thus far.

tidings
ron

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I like what you've done with this, Rob; I sense the old world miners just below the skin of the modern men. You've kept it leveled out just right and the story unfolds well. That "conquistador" line delivers a punch and brings the reader to the point so well. Very nicely done. Ron