Spenser Will Convince Her

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Revision

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
How come it then that this her cold is so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,
But harder grows the more I her entreat?

Edmund Spenser

Spenser Will Convince Her *

His door is closed, as is the Roman shade,
to cloak the composition of a note,
his first iambic verse since second grade,
when he, enraptured by a Spenser quote,
had stood before the classroom, cleared his throat,
and pledged his love to Miss Amelia May
in a revealing stanza that he wrote.
The girl had blushed, got up, and rushed away,
a muse he'd hidden from his writing…till today.

David Nelson Bradsher
01/14/08

*This is a Spenserian Stanza, ABABBCBCC rhyme scheme in iambic pentameter, except for the last line, which is in iambic hexameter.

Original

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
How come it then that this her cold is so great
Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,
But harder grows the more I her entreat?

Edmund Spenser

Spenser Will Convince Her *

His door is closed, as is the Roman shade,
to cloak the composition of a note,
his first iambic verse since second grade,
when he, enraptured by a Spenser quote,
had stood before the classroom, cleared his throat,
and pledged his love to Miss Amelia May
in a revealing stanza that he wrote.
The girl had blushed, got up, and rushed away,
a hiding muse who'd snuffed his writing…till today.

David Nelson Bradsher
01/14/08

*This is a Spenserian Stanza, ABABBCBCC rhyme scheme in iambic pentameter, except for the last line, which is in iambic hexameter.

[Laura Stone]

Really looking forward to reading this. I studied this last semester but have not had any recent examples to enjoy! Thanks...

Laura

[MichaelFirewalker]

it is a most pleasant form, one which does not feel labored or restricting in any way...

michael

[Sherry Thrasher]

Darlin', you do have a way with words. Delightful!

Sherry

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thank you, ladies.

Laura, I used to write these a lot, but it's the first one I've done in several years. They're definitely more difficult than a Shakes Sonnet, but very rewarding when boxed-in properly.

Michael and Sherry--As always, thanks for your kind words.

David

[mfwilkie]

A couple of thoughts, D.

His door is closed, as is the Roman shade,
to cloak the composition of a note,
his first iambic verse since second grade,
when he, enraptured by a Spenser quote,
had stood before the classroom, cleared his throat,
and pledged his love to Miss Amelia May
with the in a revealing stanza that he wrote.
The girl had blushed, got up, and rushed away,
the hiding muse who'd snuffed his writing…till today.

His muse rebuffed, he hid away until today.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thanks, Mags. I'll take the first one, but I'll keep the coupet as is for now...at least till I think about it.

[mfwilkie]

Just came back to scan both Alexandrines and saw your note.

I used the alternative, two caesuras, and should have put elipses or a comma after 'away'.

Check yours.

Mags

[mfwilkie]

I was just thinking:

He hid his muse away, but let her play today.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thanks, Mags, but I need the hexameter line to follow up it's counterpart with the idea that the muse left him that day long ago and hadn't returned until the day this poem represents.

[storyweaver]

Hi David,

This is very good! Wowza, tough stuff to do!
I like it, but I do see where Maggie is trying to go with the last line. I agree that your meter and delivery are better but her idea is clearer. It sounds (the way you have written it) as if the girl, who rebuffed the poem, is the muse that has hid away until today--instead that the muse has hid because of her reaction but has now reappeared. Unless I am misinterpreting.

I like the idea here and the poem, very nicely thought out and portrayed...a little movie so vividly animated!

Cool beans babe!
G.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thanks, G. To be honest, Maggie's suggestion doesn't accomplish what I'm trying to say, but I see your point. I may let this simmer today and see what comes out of it.

Good to see you back, G-babe.

[sandpiper]

well I read it as a double (or triple) take. which is pretty cool... She is the muse who first "mused" him, and he's not been able to write since, thereby the muse snuffing him... and on the flip side, her treatment of him and fear of being treated the same has snuffed his writing in general. on the triple side of that very fancy coin, we've got that she was the topic of the original love verse, and that topic has not come up again until today. I like the fact I can read it different ways, so I'm perfectly content with the ending. and the beginning, and the middle.... I like.
-piper

[mfwilkie]

The way I read this, Spenser was his muse, his inspiration to openly declare his affection for Miss Amelia May. 'a hiding muse' is what's giving me the nit.

Mags

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Thank you, Piper. That was my original intent, though I'm not sure I accomplished it.

Mags, Spenser was the inspiration, but the little girl was intended to be the muse. Now I see where you were coming from.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

Very enjoyable read, David. You show 'em, buddy!!

[storyweaver]

Ya know, I read this as the girl being the muse but I saw where Maggie was going too and I thought I misinterpreted it. But I see many possibilities and directions. The girl as a hiding muse--or Spenser's work reappearing today like a lost book , or the muse leaving with the girl and returning today...excetera.

So David, I say it works on many levels and would let it be.

It's a great poem.
G.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Last line revised...at last.