Road Prayers [edits]

[LynnDoiron]

O High Road to the Mountain         slow our curves
      from pile-ups as                 love handles o'er our hips

O Round Road through the Redwood       lead us through the shade

O Potholed Road to Loss and Ruin       deflate our credit use
substantially

O Orchard Winding Farm Road of the Walnut       Tree and Peach
                  of tractors slow                   and pick-up trucks
we ask for Open signs         and wide turnouts
at a plethora         of stands

O Long Road between Nations       let the maps read true
for peace

O Open Range Road of the Loose Cow       in the middle of the road
      in the middle of the       night
may the cow be white, our lights             be bright

O Town Road to the Market       lead us to fresh produce
and lead us past             Krispy Kreme temptations
      at the checkout

O Low Road to the Valley       wind us slowly through the dells

O Country Road       lead us to the honey in the hive

O Road with No End in Sight       end when we grow tired

      O Six-Lane Road       make our lane the right lane
when our exits       come in sight

O Rode to the Mosques and Churches       let our hymns
our chants our prayers       our meditations
make us one        

O Lonesome Road with       Not a Friend in Sight
show us       to ourselves

[Original]

O High Road to the Mountain         slow our curves
from becoming                 love handles

O Round Road through the Redwood       lead us through the shade

O Potholed Road to Loss and Ruin       deflate our credit use
substantially

O Orchard Winding Farm Road of the Walnut Tree and Peach
of tractors slow             and pick-up trucks
we ask for Open signs         and wide turnouts
at a plethora of fruit stands

O Long Road between Nations       let the maps read true
for peace

O Open Range Road of the Loose Cow       in the middle of the road
in the middle of the night
may the cow be white, our lights be bright

O Town Road to the Market       lead us to fresh produce
and past Krispy Kreme temptation
at the checkout

O Low Road to the Valley       wind us slowly through the dells

O Road of Tule Fog and Newscasters                   spare us the spin
from flashy smiles on CNN and FOX

O Dead End Road with No Turn Around for Coming Back
be the one-way entrance ramp for money-grubbing CEO’s
of Insurance and Drug Companies
and HMO’s

O Country Road       lead us to the honey in the hive

O Road with No End in Sight       end when we grow tired

O Six-Lane Road       make our lane the right lane
when our exits       come in sight

O Rode to the Mosques and Churches       let our hymns
our chants our prayers
our meditations
make us one

O Lonesome Road with Not a Friend in Sight
show us       to ourselves

[after reading “Litany” by Perie Longo, The Privacy of Wind]

[mfwilkie]

O High Road to the Mountain slow our curves
from becoming love handles


Read this a few times after hearing you read it, chicky, and as much as I love the opening, 'from becoming' is pulling my ear.

I think I'd like to hear a bit more language to elevate the humor
in the opening.


Mugs

[LynnDoiron]

you don't think a simpler start is the ticket on this one?

and i'm open to rearranging the placement of these; what's in first position now could be moved down the page.

thanks for the feedback, mugs.

chicky

[mfwilkie]

Glad we talked; I think maybe it's the place for a heavier dose of humor.

I wouldn't want to see you move it though.

Later,

Mugs

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

High-handed, preachy, not the adjectives I'd use. I found some very well crafted humor that led me through the most of it. If there were any parts to cut, I'd go with the media and CEO lines; themes there are pretty universal I think but likeable enough to still keep in my opinion. I love the winding Farm Road lines, but do stumble in the reading - most likely my weakness rather than yours. Absolutely love the Open Range Road of the loose cow. (My favorite probably from my own personal encounter with such a road while driving through to Oregon. We fence those critters in down here ya know.) If this is an indication of Longo's style, I look forward to reading her work. Ron

[LynnDoiron]

A copy of her book is on its way to you, ron. Check out "Litany", the inspiration for this one. Thanks for the comments -- I added some thoughts to the Farm Orchard road. Let me know what you think?

If I were to spend some time formatting this, I think I'd have the spacing create a "road" or path down through all the stanzas -- might be sort of cool, in a concrete sort of way . . . lynn

[LynnDoiron]

I've taken out a few stanzas [thanks, ron, for the suggestion] and reorganized the concrete look of the poem to try for the effect of a road running through the whole of the write. Had completely forgotten I'd ever written this!

[mfwilkie]

Some thoughts chicky,

O High Road to the Mountain slow our curves
from pile-ups as* love handles o'er our hips


*from piling up as

And I like to see these O's developed with a second line as the others are.

O Low Road to the Valley wind us slowly through the dells

O Country Road lead us to the honey in the hive

O Road with No End in Sight end when we grow tired

Still loving it though.

Mugs

[antman]

I love a litiany but feel the ( O') is too much

A litany announces! Proclaims!
Were it for a hero...?
Champion
Defender
Fealess Warrior
King"s Rght hand ect....

Peace is love
and I love you,
anthony

[antman]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

High Road to the Mountain slow our curves
from pile-ups as love handles o'er our hips

Round Road through the Redwood lead us through the shade

Potholed Road to Loss and Ruin deflate our credit use
substantially

Orchard Winding Farm Road of the Walnut Tree and Peach
of tractors slow and pick-up trucks
we ask for Open signs and wide turnouts
at a plethora of stands

Long Road between Nations let the maps read true
for peace

Open Range Road of the Loose Cow in the middle of the road
in the middle of the night
may the cow be white, our lights be bright

Town Road to the Market lead us to fresh produce
and lead us past Krispy Kreme temptations
at the checkout

Low Road to the Valley wind us slowly through the dells

Country Road lead us to the honey in the hive

Road with No End in Sight end when we grow tired

Six-Lane Road make our lane the right lane
when our exits come in sight

Rode to the Mosques and Churches let our hymns
our chants our prayers our meditations
make us one

Lonesome Road with Not a Friend in Sight
show us to ourselves



peace,
lynn



loveant

[LynnDoiron]

Hi Anthony -- I'm glad you played around with this --- my intent right from the start was to go over the top with the O proclamations -- my stab at light humor. The spacing that winds down through this piece is meant to be a sort of pathway, a road, for the look of a concrete poem, more or less. I'd try to do a better job with that part if publishing. I do like the fooling around you did, but, for me, it's too much of a sincere prayer -- and I'm not much of a sincere prayer person -- although I respect it in others.

Glad you stopped and played.

lynn