From Dud to Stud

[David Nelson Bradsher]

I leafed through stacks of poems penned in gloom,
the record of a Romeo who tried
so many times to be the smiling groom
on Saturdays in June, when knots are tied.

A best man twice, an usher seven more,
I watched the bridesmaids vie for each bouquet.
I’d fight for garters, too, (securing four)
without that promised end—my wedding day.

But my surrender proved a victory,
when “giving up” would lead to “getting it.”
I donned the scoundrel’s mask—it suited me—
and tried a rogue Byronic style—it fit.

Now tailored to the role of cool rapscallion,
I snort and strut the aisle—an untamed stallion.

[mfwilkie]

I leafed through stacks of poems penned in gloom,
the record of a Romeo who tried
so many times to be the smiling groom
on Saturdays in June, when knots were are tied.

A best man twice, an usher seven more,
I watched the bridesmaids vie for each bouquet.
I’d fight for garters, too, (securing four)
without the promised end—my wedding day.

But my surrender proved a victory,
when “giving up” would lead to “getting it.”
I donned the scoundrel’s mask—it suited me—
and tried a rogue Byronic style—it fit.

Now tailored to the role of new cool rapscallion,
I trot and strut the aisle—an untamed stallion.

[sandpiper]

Agree wholeheatedly with Maggie on the "new" needing a change. That doesn' fit correctly in the write for me either.
The knots were tied seems fine to me, as you go on to the specific times that "had" happened.
I might consider without "that" promised end, as opposed to the without the promised end.
Other than that, very nicely done! love the "record of a romeo".
-piper

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Great suggestions, Maggie and Piper. I appreciate the look, the words, and the thoughts. Changes will be made along those lines.

[LynnDoiron]

I don't venture into this ballroom often, but glad I did to read this one, david. Much enjoyed. I found myself preferring the "were" in S1 rather than the "are" -- the were seemed to move the past actions back into the past and help with that counterpoint of change that occurs with the bloomed rapscallion.

again, much enjoyed. thanks. lynn

[David Nelson Bradsher]

What a pleasant surprise, Lynn. Thank you for your thoughts on this one. I do appreciate it very much. I think I agree with you on the "were" vs. "are" choice. Think I'll ponder for a spell.

[mfwilkie]

My thoughts on 'are' being the fit, rather than 'were' is that he's referring to a wedding that hasn't happened, his, and he's making a generalized reference to Saturday being the standard day for weddings when knots are tied.

I'd nix 'that'.

without that promised end—my wedding day.
without the hoped-for end—my wedding day.

Maggie

[LynnDoiron]

oh, and see, i was reading it as a detail to do with all those times he was usher and best man.