waiting

[alfredo]

my mind
had not been invited
so I can’t explore
new emotions and images
to set down today

to look at a single word
or group, from every angle.
reject or refine
colours I wished to view
arranging the kaleidoscope
to best catch the light

to, mouth out loud
the sounds
modulate, fashion
cut and rub each facet
until it glitters
and balances
beautifully

that final cluster
of words
that sets
my mind
free

and if it ever arrives
this thing of beauty
perhaps you will not tire
of looking over
my shoulder

[MichaelFirewalker]

your mind is on overdrive here, so I don't know what you mean when you say it has not arrived----this poem is definitively descriptive and analytical----perhaps it is your emotional self which has not arrived, at least not to your satisfaction?----the poem itself is well penned, with clear and strong images, like rubbing the facets of sound until they glitter...

love,
michael

[Marion Poirier]

This is great, Alfredo. That's pretty much my
approach to writing in a nutshell, the core that is.
I only need to add that less is more. Every word
should count and if you can say the same without
a stanza or strobe-then eliminate it.

Personally, I don't think you need the first
or last Stanza- or modify the first one to lead
into the second- don't think the last one adds anything.

The rest is outstanding.

Best regards,
Marion

[mfwilkie]

Morning, 'fredo,

A suggestion for the last line in the last stanza.


and if it ever arrives
this thing of beauty
perhaps you will not tire
of seeing what I hear

I can see Marion's point re: the opening stanza, but I wouldn't scrap it, just make it as clear as the rest of the poem.

Maggie

[alfredo]

Thanks guys for all your input. May I beg for more (said Oliver)
Possible change to last stanza:-

and if it ever arrives
this thing of beauty
perhaps you will not tire
of looking over
my shoulder

I'm reflecting still, on the first stanza

[mfwilkie]

I like that, 'fredo.

[Marion Poirier]

Alfredo the last stanza looks good to me-I have
some ideas to tighten the first stanza. Marion


my mind invites
new emotions
and images
to write down

or
my mind explores
new emotions -
images to write down

P. S.
I don't think it's relevant that your mind
was/is not working on a particular day-
the point is your approach to writing poetry
IMHO.
Marion